How God Used “the Other Woman”: Saving Your Marriage after Infidelity
by Tina Konkin
I was shocked and saddened by the recent publication of this book (July 9, 2019) by a source that helped me during my ordeal with an unfaithful spouse. The book description is so awful; I have no plans to buy the book and further support such bad, twisted teaching.
Here’s how the book is described in the online store (click here).
I want to pull the opening lines of the book description apart with my reactions.
Let’s start with the first sentence:
Tina Konkin was devastated when she learned her husband was having an affair with her best friend.
That is terrible. This is a double betrayal. The first is by the husband and second by the best “friend.”
How could this happen to a couple who were Christian marriage counselors?
What is it with cheating counselors? My first wife was a licensed counselor professing to be a Christian when she cheated on and discarded me.
Just because a cheater knows better does not mean the cheater will do better. Knowledge is not the same thing as character. Cheaters may have lots of knowledge, but what they lack is the character to keep their vows.
But the surprises didn’t stop there, because God immediately asked Tina this question: “What role did you play in this, Tina?” That question and Tina’s willingness to answer it led to a restored, renewed marriage….
Immediately? That does not sound like the God I serve. He does not turn to the bruised woman and “immediately” ask her for her role in the abuse.
Make no mistake: An unfaithful spouse is abusing their spouse when they cheat!
The God of the Bible does not blame abuse victims for being abused! He does NOT ask them to “own their part” in being sinned against.
The god who talks this way is a god who teaches “The Shared Responsibility Lie.” This lie says we are have partial or more blame for the sin of another. It is called a lie as God is clear in the Bible that we are responsible for our own actions and sins (see 2 Corinthians 5:10), not another’s.
I wrote my book to counteract such twisted and deadly doctrine around marital infidelity given to Christians in crisis. My book is Cheated On: The Divorce Minister’s Guide for Surviving Infidelity and Keeping Your Faith. I wrote my book to confront lies taught by materials like Konkin’s.
It is so frustrating to see this promoted by a voice people turn to in marriage crisis!
Do they not understand how damaging such teaching is? Can they not discern the difference between God’s voice and the voice of the Father of Lies? Do they not see how shifting blame upon the victim of infidelity is inconsistent with the justice of God?
This saddens me.
I had hope the publishing house and organization would have had better discernment, than they apparently do.
It is just another reason why this blog must continue (and why I published my book). The need remains. Clearly, the Christian community remains in dire need of sound, biblical teaching on these matters.
Ugh. Agreed. An ad for the book came up on my facebook page, and I wanted to throw up.
>Just because a cheater knows better does not mean the cheater will do better. Knowledge is not the same thing as character.
Well said. My cheater was a missionary and has a Masters in Theology.
>Immediately? That does not sound like the God I serve.
Exactly. I wrote a post about what God told me the day after I discovered my husband’s adultery. It was the extreme opposite of what this woman claims God told her – the title of my post is “Adultery is Rape.” When I asked God to tell me what he thought of my situation, he used the story of King David’s daughter, Tamar, to tell me loud and clear that I had been raped.
https://rebeccanazzer.com/2017/06/08/adultery-is-rape/
(I apologize if it’s inappropriate to post this link here. You can take it out if you want, but I feel it gives a good counter example to what this woman claims God told her after discovering her husband’s adultery. By the way, it was through the writing of this post that I discovered your blog – I did a search for “adultery is rape” to see if anyone else felt the same way. I found your post on soul rape and referenced it in my post. So, that’s at least two of us betrayed spouses who have heard the same thing from the same God.)
Thank you for always pointing us back to the truth of God’s word and his nature and character revealed within it.
100% agree with you DM. Also disappointed in FOTF. I also turned to them for information. Glad I didn’t see this.
God is clear in Numbers 5 that he holds the adulterous wife accountable for her sin and that her husband is innocent in the matter. Jesus also didn’t blame the spouse when he held the woman he rescued from stoning accountable to go and sin no more. God would never say that. However, I’m pretty sure I know who would say that. Could it be…Satan?