Care about the healing of victims? Preach perpetrator repentance then!

God is an honest judge. He is angry with the wicked every day.

-Psalm 7:11, NLT

Pastors, do you really care about the healing of infidelity victims? If so, then please preach that the perpetrators need to repent.

One of the many things that bothers me about Christians responding to infidelity situations is how they seem unconcern about the grave injustices dealt to faithful spouses.

They might talk about faithful spouses finding healing, but they are unwilling to apply pressure upon the faithful spouses’ abusers–as cheaters are abusers.

In fact, they might even put pressure upon the faithful spouse to “forgive” so that they can “heal” even while the cheating and lying abuse is currently ongoing!

It is madness.

These people are not really interested in the faithful spouse’s healing.

How can you say you wish someone to heal while their abuser continues to abuse them with lies and ongoing soul rape?!

How can you say you care about someone’s well-being if you feel no anger towards their abuser?!

How can you say you care about their healing if you have no interest in pressuring their abuser to help them heal by coming clean with the truth of what happened?!

Repentance as priority for the abuser/cheater is key. Barring that, I think minimally a truly concerned Christian friend will be willing to acknowledge the gross injustices.

They won’t pressure the faithful spouse if they are unwilling to pressure the other party to repent first.

This is one of the many reasons why I found the leadership of the Evangelical Free Church of America’s (EFCA) plan for my “care” preposterous. They were unwilling to confront my cheating ex-wife, but they now wanted to put me on a pastoral “care” plan.

The only thing they were caring for in that was their own backside and protecting themselves from confronting their own unbiblical divorce prejudice.

Genuine concern for victims begins with a genuine anger towards the injustices dealt them. That is how God sees it, and it is how God’s people should as well!

3 thoughts on “Care about the healing of victims? Preach perpetrator repentance then!”

  1. I see this in my church too… last Sunday I was told that I need to repent of my pain and disgust… repent of my “I/me”…By a nice elder… he is nice fellow…but he has never lived through my situation…

    1. You need to repent from being a victim & going through the grieving process of being soul raped?

      1. Yes…. reading this site, I know I’m not the only one who has been told similar instructions…

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