“Unmet Needs” Excuse–aka Lie

The “Unmet Needs” Theory  Lie: Put succinctly… …teaches faithful spouses that their deficiencies at home is what drove the adulterous spouse to cheat. The faithful spouse was not sexually available enough. The faithful spouse was not emotionally adept and engaged enough. You know the drill. I have heard in horror how even pastors operate under … Continue reading ““Unmet Needs” Excuse–aka Lie”

Cheater Apologist: Well, are you without sin?!

“She has been cheating on me these last few months. I can’t stay married to her considering all of that,” says the faithful spouse. “Don’t be so hasty. After all, are you without sin?” says the cheater apologist. Such a response from a “Christian” cheater apologist is far from helpful. Not all sins have the … Continue reading “Cheater Apologist: Well, are you without sin?!”

Unhelpful price for Christian “support”

Hate evil and love what is good;     turn your courts into true halls of justice. Perhaps even yet the Lord God of Heaven’s Armies     will have mercy on the remnant of his people. -Amos 5:15, NLT Divorce Minister: Taking Adultery Seriously is an online community where I do not blame the victims of adultery. Too often, I … Continue reading “Unhelpful price for Christian “support””

No seductive lamb in that story!

4 “Now a traveler came to the rich man, but the rich man refrained from taking one of his own sheep or cattle to prepare a meal for the traveler who had come to him. Instead, he took the ewe lamb that belonged to the poor man and prepared it for the one who had come … Continue reading “No seductive lamb in that story!”

Affairs are like chocolate chip cookies

A few months back, I watched a video where the commentator talked about cheating and likened it to cake. I am riffing off that commentary today. Affairs are like walking into the kitchen to find your Cheater holding two chocolate chip cookies…. You say, “You know that you aren’t supposed to be eating chocolate chip … Continue reading “Affairs are like chocolate chip cookies”

Contrast to the usual “Christian” resources

While I am thankful for the help of some Christian resources in my dark season, I discovered most had an agenda apart from freely presenting the options. Most Christian resources–in my experience–are focused upon “saving the marriage.” This goal is pursued at the unacknowledged cost of the faithful spouse’s well-being. For these authors and pastors, … Continue reading “Contrast to the usual “Christian” resources”

Marital Infidelity Abuse Survivors

4 Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery. -Hebrews 13:4, NLT “Marital Infidelity Abuse Survivors” This is the phrase I find myself using to describe my ministry here and in person to others in the Church. I might … Continue reading “Marital Infidelity Abuse Survivors”

No, God does not expect us to be “friends.”

The righteous choose their friends carefully,     but the way of the wicked leads them astray. -Proverbs 12:26, NIV The beauty of friendship is that we get to CHOOSE who we have as friends! I encourage you to choose friends who behave like friends. And I encourage you to jettison those who refuse to choose between … Continue reading “No, God does not expect us to be “friends.””

Spiritual Abuse and Cheating

  “What Is Spiritual Abuse? Any attempt to exert power and control over someone using religion, faith, or beliefs can be spiritual abuse.” –WebMD   7 “The words of a priest’s lips should preserve knowledge of God, and people should go to him for instruction, for the priest is the messenger of the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. 8 But you … Continue reading “Spiritual Abuse and Cheating”

Hurt more hearts than one!

I love an–now–older Country song about dating that highlights how romantic relationships impact the whole family. It is a nice popular cultural corrective to the idea that these relationships do not touch anyone beside the couple. This is especially true when it comes to marriage and divorce. The singer is Ingrid Andress, and her song … Continue reading “Hurt more hearts than one!”