You were chosen, wanted.

“Now you are my friends, since I have told you everything the Father told me. You didn’t choose me. I chose you.” -John 15:15b-16a, NLT I think one of the most endearing part of owning a dog (or parrot, in my case) is how they demonstrate how much they choose and want you! In this, they are … Continue reading “You were chosen, wanted.”

Cheater Contempt

Here is the deceptive way of the adulterous woman: she takes what she wants and then says, “I’ve done nothing wrong.” -Proverbs 30:20, TPT While I believe we can all learn from our mistakes and sins in a relationship, I caution against the counsel to own our marriage sins with a cheater in active infidelity. … Continue reading “Cheater Contempt”

Beware of the partial truths…aka LIES!

One day he [the serpent] asked the woman, “Did God really say you must not eat the fruit from any of the trees in the garden?” Genesis 3:1b, NLT Partial truth lies are the most dangerous. We see the example of this here in the story of how humans sinned and fell from grace. The … Continue reading “Beware of the partial truths…aka LIES!”

“Bad Christian.” Ok.

“You’re a ‘bad Christian’ for not doing ….” -Cheater This shaming label used to make me jump to do my ex and others’ bidding. I did not want to be seen as a “bad Christian.” Then I wised up to the source. Is an unrepentant adulteress really qualified to wield such a label? Really?! I … Continue reading ““Bad Christian.” Ok.”

Let go of what you don’t control.

25 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? 26 Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? -Luke 12:25-26, NIV Sometimes, I find myself trying to control something outside of my control. Usually, this takes the form of worrying. I am pretty practiced at tormenting … Continue reading “Let go of what you don’t control.”

Would you say such a thing to your own best friend?

Would you say the same thing (you just thought about yourself) out loud about a really good friend? We, faithful spouses, can be our worst enemies. Instead of rejection the condemnation and shame, we heap it upon ourselves. This needs to stop.   There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ … Continue reading “Would you say such a thing to your own best friend?”

Mailbag: Spiritual Abuse at Driscoll-esque Church

Hi, I’m trying to heal from spiritual abuse, and I came across your blog. I have a few questions about things I’m wondering about. If you have time to answer them, it would be helpful to me. Firstly, I’m so sorry for what you went through at Mars Hill, with your in-laws and ex-wife. The … Continue reading “Mailbag: Spiritual Abuse at Driscoll-esque Church”

Cheater: “Maybe God wants me to sacrifice my marriage like Isaac?”

And he [God] said, “Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of.” -Genesis 22:2, KJV “Maybe God is asking me to sacrifice my marriage like … Continue reading “Cheater: “Maybe God wants me to sacrifice my marriage like Isaac?””

Happy-Maker, Spouse is not!

***Marriage is not a happy-making contract!*** The seemingly accepted “wisdom” on dealing with infidelity–especially emotional affairs–is to look to the marriage relationship for what was “missing.” In other words, why was the cheater unhappy?  Besides being predicated on a sociologically proven false premise–i.e. cheaters only cheat when they are unhappy in their marriages (see Dr. … Continue reading “Happy-Maker, Spouse is not!”

Cheater-Speak: “Open and Honest”

“I have to be open and honest.” -Cheater This is a manipulation game for the unaware. A cheater seeking “openness” from a faithful spouse is really asking for them to show all their cards while the cheater holds their own close to the chest. It is a plea for one-sided disclosure. Openness is not the … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “Open and Honest””