“Why did you take off your wedding ring?” asks Faithful Spouse. “I needed a break from reminders of our marriage,” says Cheater. Cheaters freely entered into the marriage–and marriage means a lifelong commitment. You do not get breaks from needing to honor this commitment. This sort of response from a Cheater seeking “a break” is … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “I needed a break from our marriage.””
Category: Emotional Affair
Pro-Tip: Cheater attendance does not mean the affair is over!
Just because a cheater has agreed to see a Christian counselor or pastor to work on the marriage does not necessarily mean the cheater has ended the affair. It boggles my mind to think a cheater would attend Christian marriage counseling with a therapist or pastor while secretly continuing to cheat. But it happens! I know … Continue reading “Pro-Tip: Cheater attendance does not mean the affair is over!”
Failing to learn from Job’s friends: “The Assessment”
As I have observed, those who plow evil and those who sow trouble reap it. -Job 4:8, NIV “The Assessment” Within the evangelical culture, the belief that the faithful spouse did something “to deserve” the adulterous desertion of their partner is all too prevalent. They have not learned from this erroneous assessment by one of Job’s … Continue reading “Failing to learn from Job’s friends: “The Assessment””
Their toasted conscience
But the [Holy] Spirit explicitly and unmistakably declares that in later times some will turn away from the faith…[misled] by the hypocrisy of liars whose consciences are seared as with a branding iron [leaving them incapable of ethical functioning]…. -I Timothy 4:1a,2, AMP When a cheater is telling their spouse, pastor, and/or Christian counselor that … Continue reading “Their toasted conscience”
Robbed of that safety and security
One of the losses that comes with adultery discovery is the loss of a safety and security. No longer can you trust your spouse against the world. This is a big loss. It is hard to compute often times. We have committed our lives to this person only to be so deeply betrayed. It is … Continue reading “Robbed of that safety and security”
Upset “friend” not having fun
When a spouse is more concerned about the feelings of a “friend” than the feelings of their spouse, you know they have crossed the line emotionally with this “friend.” Such a response is very telling and revealing. When a “friend” takes priority over a spouse, you know something is seriously out of whack. That is … Continue reading “Upset “friend” not having fun”
Response Tells You They’re Lying About You
Faithful Spouse: [Setting a healthy boundary] “Our relationship is over. We won’t be friends any more, unless you end it with John [Affair Partner] and work to convince me you’ve shut the door to all others.” Cheater: “You’re being so manipulative. Fine. I guess we won’t be friends.” …one month passes with minimal to zero … Continue reading “Response Tells You They’re Lying About You”
Divorce and those narrative gaps
When we divorce our cheater, faithful spouses often do not know the full story (and probably won’t ever). This is one of the traumatic aspects of marrying a cheater. They have all the knowledge of who and when they slept with someone else. But they are unwilling to give that to information to their spouse. … Continue reading “Divorce and those narrative gaps”
Get a good lawyer
When going through a divorce, I would recommend getting a good divorce lawyer for the process. Think of it as an investment in your future. You do not want to be surprised after the fact with issues that you cannot fixed once divorced. I understand that divorce lawyers make more money as it gets more … Continue reading “Get a good lawyer”
I envy (am impressed by) some faithful spouses!
I envy some faithful spouses. The cheater cheats on them, gets discovered, and the faithful spouse does not even blink an eye in telling that cheater it is over. They refuse to be treated like that. They exercise their permission to divorce without looking back. That wasn’t me. I suspect many of us did what … Continue reading “I envy (am impressed by) some faithful spouses!”