Are you really pining over that?!

Forgiveness is not the same thing as forgetting. In fact, I would suggest “forgetting” is just “denial” by another name. What helped me in both forgiving and moving on from my ex-wife was writing out what she actually did. Having this list in mind is very useful. Such a list is helpful in dealing with … Continue reading “Are you really pining over that?!”

Futile Enterprise – Time to Cut Your Losses

14 If any household or town refuses to welcome you or listen to your message, shake its dust from your feet as you leave. 15 I tell you the truth, the wicked cities of Sodom and Gomorrah will be better off than such a town on the judgment day. -Matthew 10:14-15, NLT A Futile Enterprise When first discovered, … Continue reading “Futile Enterprise – Time to Cut Your Losses”

Remains Surreal – Grace for Old Friends

Even half a decade removed, I continue to consider my ex-wife’s two lives baffling. The woman I thought I married in 2006, and the woman who committed adultery against me in 2012 are not compatible in my mind. How do you go from an active, committed evangelical leader in college to a woman professing her … Continue reading “Remains Surreal – Grace for Old Friends”

Validation Before Forgiveness Talk

Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights. No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words. -Job 2:13, NLT Please do not underestimate how traumatic and disorienting discovering marital infidelity is! My personal experience as well as with those I … Continue reading “Validation Before Forgiveness Talk”

Pastors, Please Stop Making Divorce “Jokes.”

Pastors, Please stop making divorce “jokes.” When faithful spouses hear pastors talking about how grateful they are that their wives haven’t left them, this is insensitive to those in the pews who have been abandoned by cheaters–especially. Such “joking” is teaching: -You are teaching your people divorce happens over everyday irritations in marriage. Do you … Continue reading “Pastors, Please Stop Making Divorce “Jokes.””

Deeply Hurt Just Means Loved Deeply

Day and night I have only tears for food, while my enemies continually taunt me, saying, “Where is this God of yours?” – Psalm 42:3, NLT Recently, I shared the story of how my first marriage came to its end via my first wife’s adultery. I was surprised by the emotion–namely, sadness–I felt telling this … Continue reading “Deeply Hurt Just Means Loved Deeply”

Still Work – Either Way

Divorcing a cheater is not the end of the healing process. It is NOT an “easy out.” Anyone who has gone through the experience could tell you as much. The divorce is often just the beginning. True, it might be easier to heal from abuse–I consider adultery and all the lies with it abuse–from a cheater divorced … Continue reading “Still Work – Either Way”

Mistake Made In Re-Engaging

The Other Man was discovered. I wrote a letter to my (then) wife letting her know I would not tolerate her cheating anymore. She could either choose to work to prove to me that her cheating days were over, or she could expect me to terminate my relationship–friendship included–with her permanently. Obviously, she chose the … Continue reading “Mistake Made In Re-Engaging”