Ode of Eeyore – Psalm 88

A favorite Psalm of mine is Psalm 88. I called it an “Ode of Eeyore” because this Psalm is dark. And I love that. It creates space for those of us who are experiencing the darkness. We don’t have to put on our “happy faces.” The author of Psalm 88 grants us permission to acknowledge … Continue reading “Ode of Eeyore – Psalm 88”

“I can tell you are still tender and healing.”

“I can tell you are still tender, healing.” -“Well-Meaning” Observer What bothers me the most about these sort of statements is how they are usually stated as a way to express compassion for the faithful spouse but really just communicate pity. Who enjoys being the object of pity?! Now, it is true that the infidelity … Continue reading ““I can tell you are still tender and healing.””

Dear DM, What does restitution look like in my situation?

Dear Divorce Minister, My wife committed adultery 16 years ago. I forgave and renew my vows on tremendously incomplete information. She recently confessed to the entirety of the adultery after we have had 3 wonderful children. I can say with out hesitation I would have not continued in the marriage if I would have known … Continue reading “Dear DM, What does restitution look like in my situation?”

Never mention it again?!

“You shouldn’t mention the cheating again. Didn’t you already say you forgave him?!” -Clueless “Christian” Counselor Forgiveness does not erase the impact of the sin(s). If you have a pastor or “Christian” counselor pressuring you, faithful spouse, to never mention the cheating again, you need to find a better counselor/spiritual guide. They are clueless. Recovering from … Continue reading “Never mention it again?!”

Are you really pining over that?!

Forgiveness is not the same thing as forgetting. In fact, I would suggest “forgetting” is just “denial” by another name. What helped me in both forgiving and moving on from my ex-wife was writing out what she actually did. Having this list in mind is very useful. Such a list is helpful in dealing with … Continue reading “Are you really pining over that?!”

Futile Enterprise – Time to Cut Your Losses

14 If any household or town refuses to welcome you or listen to your message, shake its dust from your feet as you leave. 15 I tell you the truth, the wicked cities of Sodom and Gomorrah will be better off than such a town on the judgment day. -Matthew 10:14-15, NLT A Futile Enterprise When first discovered, … Continue reading “Futile Enterprise – Time to Cut Your Losses”

Remains Surreal – Grace for Old Friends

Even half a decade removed, I continue to consider my ex-wife’s two lives baffling. The woman I thought I married in 2006, and the woman who committed adultery against me in 2012 are not compatible in my mind. How do you go from an active, committed evangelical leader in college to a woman professing her … Continue reading “Remains Surreal – Grace for Old Friends”

Validation Before Forgiveness Talk

Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights. No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words. -Job 2:13, NLT Please do not underestimate how traumatic and disorienting discovering marital infidelity is! My personal experience as well as with those I … Continue reading “Validation Before Forgiveness Talk”

Pastors, Please Stop Making Divorce “Jokes.”

Pastors, Please stop making divorce “jokes.” When faithful spouses hear pastors talking about how grateful they are that their wives haven’t left them, this is insensitive to those in the pews who have been abandoned by cheaters–especially. Such “joking” is teaching: -You are teaching your people divorce happens over everyday irritations in marriage. Do you … Continue reading “Pastors, Please Stop Making Divorce “Jokes.””