Dear DM…What I do not understand…

Dear DM, I appreciate the biblical explanations on your site. I have been married 24 years. I dealt with infidelity/adultery in the first 3 years of marriage and because we were Christians, and I loved my husband we reconciled. I thought we were worked through that many years ago and that was over. Fast foreword … Continue reading “Dear DM…What I do not understand…”

He stopped committing adultery. Do I have to stay married to him?

“He stopped committing adultery and seems to be repenting. Must I remain married to him?” -Faithful Spouse Some pastors would vehemently disagree with the position I take on this matter. They would try and add to the teachings of Jesus by insisting faithful spouse must take back cheaters who have stopped cheating. I do not hold such … Continue reading “He stopped committing adultery. Do I have to stay married to him?”

Don’t open the door

“If another believer sins, rebuke that person; then if there is repentance, forgive.” -Luke 17:3b, NLT This past week I was reminded of some wisdom I heard years ago from a pastor-mentor of mine. It was advice about dealing with destructive people. He told me not to to “open the door” wide to an individual … Continue reading “Don’t open the door”

Cheaters and “Cheap Grace”

…cheap grace — “the preaching of forgiveness without requiring repentance.” Cheap grace wrongly separates absolution of sin from acknowledgment of that sin. -Katelyn Beaty, “The Mistake Christians Made in Defending Bill O’Reilly Cheaters and “cheap grace” Beaty’s article takes aim at some prominent conservatives and evangelical leaders. In particular, her article exposes the hypocrisy of … Continue reading “Cheaters and “Cheap Grace””

Mailbag: Repeated Emotional Affairs

Dear Divorce Minister, My husband has had emotional affairs during our marriage and has physically cheated once during the dating time while in a serious committed relationship (which was disclosed to the me 9 years into our marriage). While he says he’s never crossed the line physically during the marriage, there has been a series … Continue reading “Mailbag: Repeated Emotional Affairs”

When “good” is not an option

Let her remove the adulterous look from her face and the unfaithfulness from between her breasts. -Hosea 2:2b, NIV What drives me nuts about how some pastors speak of divorce is how they assume a “good” option is left on the table for a faithful spouse. Sadly, following infidelity this just isn’t the case! The faithful … Continue reading “When “good” is not an option”

Like a super suckerpunch to the gut!

“At every street corner you built your lofty shrines and degraded your beauty, spreading your legs with increasing promiscuity to anyone who passed by.     … You adulterous wife! You prefer strangers to your own husband!” -Ezekiel 16:25,32, NIV Nothing really prepares you for that moment of discovery. Nothing. You might have suspected the … Continue reading “Like a super suckerpunch to the gut!”

My take on the forgiveness command found in Matthew 6:14-15

  One good thing that came out of my ex-wife’s adultery and my consequential divorce from her is that I know God’s Word much better than before particularly in regards to forgiveness and repentance. A lot of what I got from the Christian community was Matt 6:14-15: 14 For if you forgive other people when they … Continue reading “My take on the forgiveness command found in Matthew 6:14-15”

The Struggle to Let Go

Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. -John 12:24, NIV Letting go of a marriage ravaged by infidelity is hard. I think it is made doubly so–unfortunately–in Christian communities because of all … Continue reading “The Struggle to Let Go”