PSA: In the room…

Public Service Announcement: In the room where divorced or nearly divorced Christians meet, you will likely find some who were discarded for another and abandoned against their will. Pastors and other Christian leaders working with this population need to sensitize themselves to this reality. Not everyone at a divorce support group chose divorce. Some of us were … Continue reading “PSA: In the room…”

An Analogy: If you were violently mugged….

Some Christians do not get “it.” In fact, pastors and Christian counselors can be some of the worse offenders as it comes to spiritually abusing faithful spouses. I  cannot imagine most pastors or therapists dispensing the same sort of advice if faced with a different situation of abuse. Yet they think they are dispensing “wisdom,” … Continue reading “An Analogy: If you were violently mugged….”

“Innocent Party” in divorce

Is there such thing as an “innocent party” in a divorce? Yes. I struggled with this question when fighting to retain my minister’s license years ago. Psycho-babble is  winning when we cannot identify or distinguish between the innocent and the perpetrator. Now, I understand the those who say we all have contributions to the marriage … Continue reading ““Innocent Party” in divorce”

Permission to divorce includes permission to remarry.

Adultery or fornication, committed after a contract, being detected before marriage, giveth just occasion to the innocent party to dissolve that contract. In the case of adultery after marriage, it is lawful for the innocent party to sue out a divorce, and after the divorce to marry another, as if the offending party were dead. … Continue reading “Permission to divorce includes permission to remarry.”

Reminder: You don’t have to agree!

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God,so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly … Continue reading “Reminder: You don’t have to agree!”

Cheaters, Beware!

“But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars–they will be consigned to the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death.” -Revelations 21:8, NIV (emphasis mine) What if pastors led with this verse from Jesus to cheaters as opposed … Continue reading “Cheaters, Beware!”

PSA: We call those “affair partners.”

Public Service Announcement: We call thEM “AFFAIR PARTNERS.” Cheaters seem to need help. They struggle mightily in labeling their relationships appropriately. Too often, they confuse “affair partners” with “friends.” And they think everyone–maybe especially the faithful spouse–are dumb enough not to know the difference. Some of this is just playing dumb. Some of this is … Continue reading “PSA: We call those “affair partners.””

“I do understand. That is why we are divorced.”

Cheater: “If only you understood me, you wouldn’t judge me so harshly.” Faithful Spouse: “I DO understand. That is why we are divorced.” A failure to understand is not why divorce is often the best of bad options in dealing with a harden cheater. Please do not waste your time sticking your head into that … Continue reading ““I do understand. That is why we are divorced.””

When the choice to divorce wasn’t yours…

When the choice wasn’t yours, you may still have people asking and blaming you for it. Such blaming is not biblical! Scripture is clear that we are responsible for our own actions and sins (see 2 Corinthians 5:10). We do not answer for another’s. It is a good way to go crazy trying to mind-read … Continue reading “When the choice to divorce wasn’t yours…”

DM, This is a text from a friend…

DM, This is a text from my friend regarding my wife who has cheated on me with 4 men over the last 13 years. She is now repentant, running to God like her pants were on fire after I discovered the most recent affair. I feel like my Christian friends are putting it all on … Continue reading “DM, This is a text from a friend…”