Dear DM…What I do not understand…

Dear DM, I appreciate the biblical explanations on your site. I have been married 24 years. I dealt with infidelity/adultery in the first 3 years of marriage and because we were Christians, and I loved my husband we reconciled. I thought we were worked through that many years ago and that was over. Fast foreword … Continue reading “Dear DM…What I do not understand…”

He stopped committing adultery. Do I have to stay married to him?

“He stopped committing adultery and seems to be repenting. Must I remain married to him?” -Faithful Spouse Some pastors would vehemently disagree with the position I take on this matter. They would try and add to the teachings of Jesus by insisting faithful spouse must take back cheaters who have stopped cheating. I do not hold such … Continue reading “He stopped committing adultery. Do I have to stay married to him?”

Unrepentant Adultery Is Always Damnable, Not Divorce!

If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God. -Hebrews 10:26-27, NIV Divorce is not always a sin. If it was, then the author of Jeremiah … Continue reading “Unrepentant Adultery Is Always Damnable, Not Divorce!”


“You shall not commit adultery.” -Exodus 20:14, NIV (from The Ten Commandments)   Fact: Cheaters are marriage flunkies. One of the most basic lessons in Christian marriage is adhering to this classic and consistent prohibition regarding sex with marriage outsiders. Cheaters have–spectacularly, in some cases–flunked this most basic of marriage lessons. Yet for some reason, … Continue reading “FACT: CHEATERS ARE MARRIAGE FLUNKIES!”

What if adultery was treated as the enemy more than divorce?!

Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery. -Hebrews 13:4, NLT What if adultery was treated as the enemy more than divorce in our churches?! A truly astounding teaching–whether spoken or implied–is how Christians treat divorce as a … Continue reading “What if adultery was treated as the enemy more than divorce?!”

Did not choose this!

Even when filing the divorce papers, the faithful spouse really did not choose this outcome. What they chose was a marriage free of infidelity! The filing of the papers was the choice they had left after the choice of the cheater to destroy the agreed upon future by being unfaithful. The good options–the preferred option–was … Continue reading “Did not choose this!”

Subtle Shaming of Divorced Families

“He is from a ‘broken family.’” -Church-goer I was pondering this label the other day: “broken family.” Notice this label is rarely–if ever–used in Christian circles to denote a family where one parent dies. It is the euphemism of choice to describe families that have experienced divorce. I maintain that if we hesitate to use … Continue reading “Subtle Shaming of Divorced Families”

Crossed the line sexually with another man

“I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” -Matthew 19:9, NIV   In my trial to keep my minister’s license, I will never forget how the leading denominational official behaved. I had submitted an email from my ex-wife where she confirmed a reference to … Continue reading “Crossed the line sexually with another man”

God Uses Broken and Weak People – Ask Paul!

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” -2  Corinthians 12:9a, NIV The blogosphere has been ignited by Joe Carter’s “Beware of Broken Wolves” post at The Gospel Coalition website. I found the article disturbing. In particular, I was troubled when Carter wrote: But … Continue reading “God Uses Broken and Weak People – Ask Paul!”

Why put the adultery victim on trial for being victimized?

Why put the adultery victim on trial but not the cheater? One of the most backwards pieces in my ecclesiastical trial to retain my minister’s license was how I was on trial for being cheated on and divorced by my ex-wife. Even after such cheating and abandonment was established (my ex-wife was the one insisting … Continue reading “Why put the adultery victim on trial for being victimized?”