I count three…

“I made a covenant with my eyes not to look with lust at a young woman.” -Job 31:1, NLT Looking back upon old emails around the time of my marriage’s demise, I am struck by how little was made of–what I now consider–my (now ex) wife’s emotionally inappropriate relationships with other men. And it was not … Continue reading “I count three…”

Addressing Anti-Clerical Sentiments

Elders who do their work well should be respected and paid well, especially those who work hard at both preaching and teaching. -I Timothy 5:17, NLT But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to … Continue reading “Addressing Anti-Clerical Sentiments”

The Struggle to Let Go

Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. -John 12:24, NIV Letting go of a marriage ravaged by infidelity is hard. I think it is made doubly so–unfortunately–in Christian communities because of all … Continue reading “The Struggle to Let Go”

Capable Versus Actual

For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God… -Romans 3:23, KJV While every human being is a sinner, that does not mean every human being has committed the same sins. Capable does not mean actual. The divorce fear-mongers tell faithful spouses essentially not to hope for a future partner who treats … Continue reading “Capable Versus Actual”

Cheater-speak: “But I am not divorcing you because of [The Other Man/Woman].”

“This is the way of an adulterous woman: She eats and wipes her mouth and says, ‘I’ve done nothing wrong.’” -Proverbs 30:20, NIV “Yes, I crossed the line sexually with [Other Man]. But I am not divorcing you because of [Other Man].” -Adulteress This is just another way of saying that the cheater is unwilling … Continue reading “Cheater-speak: “But I am not divorcing you because of [The Other Man/Woman].””

Silence Helps Evil

Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. -Ephesians 5:11, NIV I am several years removed from my divorce and all the sinful, destructive shenanigans my cheating ex pulled. In fact, Mrs. DM and I will be observing our 3rd wedding anniversary later this month. So, why keep talking … Continue reading “Silence Helps Evil”

Words seasoned with mercy born of experience

4 Blessed are those who mourn,     for they will be comforted.           … 7 Blessed are the merciful,     for they will be shown mercy. -Matthew 5:4,7, NIV Experience is not a fail-safe teacher. After all, you have to be paying attention to learn.  That said, I have noticed people who have gone through … Continue reading “Words seasoned with mercy born of experience”

Many Miserably Married Yet Don’t Cheat!

Christians seem especially invested in the marriage autopsy.  I think this is part of the control fascination. It is the idea that we control whether or not our spouse cheats and/or abandons us. For us to accept the truth–i.e. we do NOT control whether or not our spouse cheats on and/or abandons us–makes us feel … Continue reading “Many Miserably Married Yet Don’t Cheat!”

Adultery, Divorce, and My Situation in the EFCA

Recently, I came across an article written by my endorsing organization, The National Association of Evangelicals. This article is entitled, “Can Pastors be Restored After Adultery.” It was posted in May 2012. The article is more or less a report from a poll taken from evangelical leaders on the question posed as the post’s title: … Continue reading “Adultery, Divorce, and My Situation in the EFCA”

Not up to you to stay married…

It is not up to you alone to stay married. This is a painful truth that the church needs to internalize. Divorce need not be chosen by both partners. One spouse can unilaterally decide to leave… …for any–or no–reason whatsoever! It is possible to have one spouse invested in seeing the marriage work 100% plus. That does … Continue reading “Not up to you to stay married…”