“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!” -Isaiah 43:18-19a, NIV Sometimes the marriage is not fixable, and it comes time to focus on a new thing. A cheater who refuses to repent makes a marriage not fixable. It would be unwise to reinvest in a … Continue reading “Time for “new thing””
Category: Theology of divorce
Dear DM, Is her abandonment unfaithfulness?
Dear DM, Thank you for your ministry to survivors of infidelity abuse. My former wife of 25 years abandoned me and our minor son back in 2019. Although she denied having an extra-marital affair, I cannot seriously believe she would have left her son unless she had crossed a line of no return. That line … Continue reading “Dear DM, Is her abandonment unfaithfulness?”
I believe God can raise the dead, but…
I believe God can and does raise the dead, but… …I still do funerals. This is my stance on marriages ravaged by infidelity. I believe some can be resurrected; however, that is a miracle. It is about as common as a funeral ending in a resurrection today. That is to say, not common. The natural … Continue reading “I believe God can raise the dead, but…”
Contrast to the usual “Christian” resources
While I am thankful for the help of some Christian resources in my dark season, I discovered most had an agenda apart from freely presenting the options. Most Christian resources–in my experience–are focused upon “saving the marriage.” This goal is pursued at the unacknowledged cost of the faithful spouse’s well-being. For these authors and pastors, … Continue reading “Contrast to the usual “Christian” resources”
Marital Infidelity Abuse Survivors
4 Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery. -Hebrews 13:4, NLT “Marital Infidelity Abuse Survivors” This is the phrase I find myself using to describe my ministry here and in person to others in the Church. I might … Continue reading “Marital Infidelity Abuse Survivors”
Be at peace with your decision.
What we have received is not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may understand what God has freely given us. -I Corinthians 2:12, NIV While I view divorce as a mercy for faithful spouses, I do not insist on it. I am aware that God calls us to … Continue reading “Be at peace with your decision.”
Spiritual Abuse and Cheating
“What Is Spiritual Abuse? Any attempt to exert power and control over someone using religion, faith, or beliefs can be spiritual abuse.” –WebMD 7 “The words of a priest’s lips should preserve knowledge of God, and people should go to him for instruction, for the priest is the messenger of the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. 8 But you … Continue reading “Spiritual Abuse and Cheating”
I was interviewed for a podcast! Talking Spiritual Abuse and Divorce.
Earlier this past month, I had the privilege to speak with Tracy Schorn and Sarah Gorrell on Spiritual Abuse and Infidelity for their podcast, Tell Me How You’re Mighty. The interview is now live on YouTube. Here is the (click here).
Christian-ese: “Own your part of the marriage’s breakdown.”
“And I tell you this, whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery–unless his wife has been unfaithful.” -Matthew 19:9, NLT What did YOU contribute to your marriage’s breakdown?! Years ago, I used to believe this was a reasonable question to ask any divorced individual. After all, we are imperfect creatures. We … Continue reading “Christian-ese: “Own your part of the marriage’s breakdown.””
Starting Point: Cheating is abuse.
Starting Point: Cheating is abuse. The more I do this work, the more I am convinced this is THE defining assumption missing among Christian leaders. They treat adultery as less than abuse. If they get this assumption wrong, then all sorts of bad counsel flows from it. Conversely, if they get this assumption correct, there … Continue reading “Starting Point: Cheating is abuse.”