“I talked it through with my [individual] therapist, and it [the cheating] is no longer a problem. The real problem in our marriage is how you ….” – Cheater
Never take a cheater on their word alone.
Cheaters are accomplished manipulators. They have been known to play seasoned pastors and therapists.
Some cheaters have honed the art of lying to a fine craft with years of practice, after all.
Personally, I find it odd that the perpetrator of wrong feels absolved of their wrongdoing without any reference to their victim.
Any pastor–or Christian counselor–working with a cheater who leads them to the conclusion that they can fix their cheating problem in isolation and without making amends to their victims are missing an important piece of the repentance puzzle.
That making amends–or minimally accepting the reality that they are in their partner’s debt for defrauding them of intimacy–is vital for godly marriage restoration.
Without it, the cheater’s pride is allowed to go forth unchecked.
A cheater who has not truly humbled themselves before God and their victims is someone–I believe–will continue in the sin. It is not a matter of if but when for such individuals.
The rotten core of pride and entitlement remains in their hearts. And that is really the source of the cheating and lying in the first place (e.g. Mark 7:21-23).
Such is likely to flow out of that putrid source again at some point.
So, if you are working with a pastor or Christian counselor who is willing to give the cheater a pass without the cheater taking a posture of humility making amends, then I would recommend running and not walking from their office.
They are helping no one, except the one who is bent on our destruction. And you don’t need that.