“[The Other Man/Woman] means nothing to me.”
-Cheater
It curious how cheaters are willing to throw away very meaningful things–at least, for some people–like their character and marriage vows for someone who they claim “means nothing” to them.
My point is such statements coming from a cheater are lies. The cheater might believe them themselves. But that does not mean you ought to.
Reality says their actions tell us the affair partner meant enough to the cheater to break their marriage vows, lie, and engage in all sorts of deception.
In fact, this person who “means nothing” to the cheater meant enough the cheater for him or her to hide the affair partner by deception from the faithful spouse for weeks, months, and sometimes even years!
Let’s be honest:
This lie is aimed at keeping the faithful spouse from leveling consequences–like a divorce and all that entails–for the cheater’s behavior.
They are trying to gain control of the marriage narrative by this lie. The faithful spouse is perilously close to overcoming the cheater’s power to manipulate now that the affair(s) are exposed.
Trust me: It is harder to blame one spouse–i.e. the faithful spouse–for a marriage’s demise once a long-term affair has been discovered.
People generally grasp the basic concept that cheating on your spouse has a highly negative impact on marriage.
So, this lie from the cheater is to refocus the issue away from the affair. They want the faithful spouse and everyone else to believe the affair is irrelevant to the marriage issues and/or divorce.
They are trying to change the subject away from facing responsibility for what they did.
Do not fall for their manipulative ways.
“Your adulterous relationship with him might have meant nothing to you. But it means a lot to me. It means you have decided to rape my soul, and that means our marriage is over.”
I believe that when cheaters are caught they try to minimize the destructive and abusive nature of their conduct. When caught cheating, my ex-husband denied having an affair. At one point, he said, “You are making a big deal out of nothing.” I replied, “What is nothing to you is everything to me.” If the affair partner “means nothing” to the cheater, then the faithful spouse’s worth must be even lower. My ex-husband lost everything but the clothes on his back as a result of his affair. It is hard to believe he would give up “everything” for someone who means “nothing.” I think she meant the world to him and he was willintg to risk it all for his affair.