Cheaters Are SO Cruel!

Nothing can heal you;
    your wound is fatal.
All who hear the news about you
    clap their hands at your fall,
for who has not felt
    your endless cruelty?

-Nahum 3:19, NIV (About Assyria)


I continue to be astounded by how cruel humans can be to other humans. Stories I hear and experiences I have had are truly shocking and breathtaking. It truly breaks my heart.

Adulterous spouses filing for divorce on wedding anniversaries.

Cheaters painting the faithful spouse as psychologically crazy to “justify” their actions.

Or even taking a faithful spouse to court alleging criminal activity when the faithful spouse is innocent!

What is wrong with these people?!

Raping their spouse’s soul is not enough. They have to attack them in the cruelest of ways. As if they cannot wait one more day to avoid filing for divorce on a wedding anniversary?

It is rage.

And it is contempt.

What is wrong with these people is sin and a demonstrably hard, wicked heart. 

How else do you explain such mean cruelty and total disregard for the spouses of their youth? It is a front row seat to the show “Human Depravity” that none of us wanted to attend.

10 thoughts on “Cheaters Are SO Cruel!”

  1. DM, it is all about making the the other one the guilty partner. Deep down inside, even they know that they are in the wrong.
    They think to themselves that if they treat their innocent partner badly,, preferably, outrageously bad, they must really deserve it. Hence, I am not so bad. In fact, I AM THE VICTIM.
    I have been on the receiving end of this magic mind trick. Fortunately, I had some good counsel who pointed out the absurdity of their behavior and I am forever thankful.

    1. Also, if cheaters wound the faithful partner more and the faithful partner appears angry or “not emotionally together” because of this pain, they have another “reason” to say “Hey, he or she is crazy, violent, unstable, etc.” Cheaters have a strong incentive to poke the bear with this cruel behavior.

  2. I agree. If the adulterer makes their lovely spouse out to be the “bad guy” then it allows them to justify their poor crap behavior because no wonder they had to look outside the marriage for sex/love/Wtfever. Hard to wrap my mind around the mental gymnastics of the disordered but there it is. There were red flags though and I fault myself for not seeing those as clearly as I should have. Signs he was cheating and not authentic. DM, love your blog.

    1. Thanks for your kind words! And don’t beat yourself up, Drew, over missing the red flags. Hindsight is 20/20 as they say. Plus, it is harder to see things clearly when we are inclined to trust someone’s solemn vow of fidelity before God.

  3. my Ex left me on Christmas eve after 30 years of marriage. She told everyone who would listen that I had kicked her out, ( not that I would not have been justified in doing so ). She had been treating me poorly for approximately 3 years prior to leaving, constantly ignoring me, leaving me alone at home,constantly pushing my buttons so to speak, just to get me angry and upset, so she could tell herself ” see, he’s a bad man, I am justified in having my affair”. She lied to my daughters, her family, MY FAMILY!, tried to persuade anyone and everyone who knew us that I was a horrible person while she was an innocent victim who had done no wrong.

  4. My former spouse, Stupid, chose to remarry on the 12th anniversary of the first time he had sex with his mistress. Yes, he TOOK wedding vows on the anniversary of the day he BROKE wedding vows. But their love is different and special, so the usual rules don’t apply to them.

  5. After three years of my spouses “recovery” and my repeated new discoveries — never volunteering deceptions, longing for him to be truthful, do-overs, “this time I will be faithful” and so on and so on, I am giving up. He had a hidden history of porn, prostitutes, and strip clubs — before marriage. My “Christian” husband had begun again into his deceptive world 9 years ago. Discovered in 2013, he has continued into a path of an inability to be truthful. He continues to lie and deceive and hide. I am ready to end it all — if only he didn’t carry the healthcare…

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