In defense of men during this #metoo moment

I am a man. I am an ordained evangelical minister.

And I am not ashamed of those facts!

What troubles me about some reactions to the Andy Savage story is how they assume this is normal behavior of evangelical ministers or even young Christian men.

It is not! We are not all predators.

When I was twenty-two years old, I was not trying to figure out how to get a teenage girl to perform oral sex on me. I did not think up a way to get her alone on a secluded lane to exploit her for my pleasure.

Please do not assume every young man in his twenties behaves in this way or would given the opportunity. That is a false assumption.

Also, please do not assume every young evangelical pastor behaves in this way or finds this behavior even remotely acceptable. I don’t.

And when I was in a position of power in ministering to young college coeds, I did not even once entertain such an abuse of power. My point is that this is not normal behavior for male ministers with character.

Like assuming all men are cheaters after your husband cheats on you, I advise caution when painting all evangelical ministers with the same brush as someone who has committed clergy sexual abuse.

That is not fair to all men just as in this case it is not fair to all male evangelical ministers.

4 thoughts on “In defense of men during this #metoo moment”

  1. Dear DM,
    I appreciate you blog and I have been a long time reader. I state this from a place of respect and love.

    I see where you are coming, truly I do. But a post in defense of not all men are bad, this is your response? Really? How about calling out those who gave Andy a standing ovation and proclaiming in a loud voice to your readers “Men, especially Christian(Evangelical) Men, WE MUST DO BETTER, your fellow Christian men demand better!”

    There is a reason why Christians, especially “Evangelical” Christians men (church leaders, Pastors) have this stereotype. Because this has been and continues to be the status quo. Honestly, we all logically know that not all men are like Andy. This is not the issue. The issue is that honest truly God-Fearing men have been silent for far too long. Stating that all men are not bad is not enough anymore. Where is the proactive protection? Where is the passion stating you (men) will not allow, condone, or cover up this behavior any more?

    Your blog is about standing up to the church establishment regarding infidelity and divorce. I personally feel, your stance on this should be like wise. Not more of the same….not the all men are bad stance….but demanding better and holding your fellow men accountable and requiring Christian men to do better.

    With love,

    1. Respectfully, I disagree that I have been inconsistent with this issue. I just posted about how Andy Savage should not be a pastor anymore; plus, I applauded the publisher that pulled his book contract. This does not need to be a strictly EITHER/OR.

      I have consistently taught that we need to be careful not to treat everyone the same. If anyone has reason to reject mental health professionals and pastors, I do. However, I have made it clear in other posts that not all are bad actors. Similarly, I have written not to give into the temptation to demonize the opposite sex just because your spouse cheated on and lied to you. I do not see this post as out of line with that counsel.

      The problem is not with being a man. The problem is not with being a pastor. The problem is not with being an evangelical. The problem is with people holding those identities behaving in ways that lack character and betray the values of true Christianity.

      -DM

  2. DM,
    I completely agree with you in that the problem is “with people holding those identities behaving in ways that lack character and betray the values of true Christianity”. Yet taking away his Pastor role and his book deal are all after fact actions. My issue is that we (yes all of us , but those in leadership need to take the lead) have allowed this type of behavior to continue for far too long.

    Maybe I did not communicate my thoughts clearly, I am saying let’s get over the not all of x, y, z group(s) are bad, there are those of said x, y, z group(s) that are good rhetoric after something bad happens and let us progress to actively demanding better, proactively versus reactionary.

    1. I, like most people who frequent this blog, come here because I appreciate the fact that DM is willing to take a stand where other people in Christian leadership refuse to. He constantly points us back to God’s word, he genuinely understands & cares about the “widows & ophans” of adultery.

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