“It doesn’t matter matter what she did.”


“It doesn’t matter what she did. You need to focus on your own sins.” – Cheater Apologist

This sort of response is the very definition of dismissive. It has all the appearance of godliness without the substance.

Of course, adultery–i.e. the victimization of faithful spouses–matters to God!

When someone responds by being dismissive of adultery or infidelity, it is a sure sign this person does not have God’s heart on the matter. They do not recognize–or prefer to ignore–how serious and damaging adultery is.

Adultery is soul rape!

The person who pivots from this reality to focus on the faithful spouse’s “sins” is engaging in promoting “The Shared Responsibility Lie.” This nasty lie teaches people that faithful spouses are partly responsible for the sin committed against him or her.

People who dismiss the cheating news to focus upon the faithful spouse’s “sin” are effectively teaching by such a response that they are both willing to tolerate as well as to attempt to justify this horrific sin.

They are also demonstrating a calloused disregard for the feelings of the victimized spouse.

Mourning and empathy is what a revelation of infidelity from a faithful spouse ought to evoke. No one deserves to be violated in this way!

Individuals responding this way to infidelity are not friends. Friends care about their friend’s heart. They are not dismissive of their friend’s pain or the real injustices this friend has clearly suffered.

If you get this response from someone near to you, consider it a gift. You now know this individual is not your friend.

And do not be taken in by their theological-sounding language. Such dismissive treatment is not from God. You see, God does not choose between holiness and compassion. He is both loving and holy. Further, He is never dismissive of adultery (e.g. Hebrews 13:4).

2 thoughts on ““It doesn’t matter matter what she did.””

  1. Thank you!! Dismissing adultery devalues the faithful spouse.
    Soon after I finally separated from my soul rapist I opened up & shared my “situation” with someone at church when she asked. She questioned me afterwards about why I thought it necessary to include X’s unfaithfulness in my “story”. She followed her rebuke up by telling me that God’s grace was available to everyone….
    That line on grace and my desire to be a good forgiving Christian is why I’d stayed for so long. X would even use it to manipulate me with. It didn’t work the last time because I’d finally caught on to his game.
    (To X, grace is exactly what Roman’s says it is not!)

    1. WHOA!

      How ignorant of that person!

      About as unreal as expecting a woman who has just lost her newborn baby to leave out the part that the baby died! That’s why, after 9 months of pregnancy, she has no baby to show for it. But, oh, do NOT mention the baby was stillborn!

      Yo! If it were not for the cheater’s cheating, you would not be separated. Clueless people…..

      So glad you are here with DM!

      ForgeOn, Nyra…..

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