“I don’t want to pick sides.” – “Friend”

“I don’t want to pick sides in this,” says a Christian “friend.”

A person saying this is communicating to the adultery victim that they think something could justify their victimization.

Let’s be clear:

They ARE picking a side. It is the side of the adulterous spouse.

This is not a godly response to faithful spouses seeking support.

If a battered spouse came to this same friend explaining how their partner beats them, I doubt many of us would see how this response is less than helpful or godly.

“I don’t want to pick sides in this” response allows the abuser to continue the abuse as he or she is not faced with pressure to stop.

Adultery is abusive. It might not manifest as leaving visible bruises. But I assure you that it is deeply wounding.

“I don’t want to pick sides in this” response is a declaration of indifference to the pain of one’s friend. It is not the response of a true friend as a true friend cares when their friend is abused.

2 thoughts on ““I don’t want to pick sides.” – “Friend””

  1. I was so stupid and naive about how I thought people who say they are followers of Jesus Christ would act. My lying ex-pastor was “on the side of the marriage” even though he continually seemed to take the side of the cheater in subtle ways during marriage counseling.

    The cheaters best man at our wedding who says he is a Christian — “I don’t want to take sides.”

    The Christian boys group that my ex-cheater is a leader of — all the men took his side. No doubt he told tons of lies to them about me too, because nothing else makes sense.

    I kept all my exes secret sins to myself. Twenty years worth of lying and cheating. Never told a soul. So I thought when I went to the local Christian friends I’d get support. Nope! They took the side of evil by not “taking sides.” And I hope one day they will realize what evil that took part in.

    Marriage counseling with the ex-pastor and interactions with many ex-friends were oh so confusing at the time. Satan is the author of confusion and now it all makes sense. They were doing the bidding of Satan even though they might not know it.

    1. Oh Martha,

      I am so sorry. I don’t think we will ever understand this kind of stupid this side of Heaven! People can be so evil.

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