“The lady doth protest too much, methinks.“
-Queen Gertrude in Shakespeare’s “Hamlet” (Act 3, Scene 2)
Shakespeare was a great writer. His works have stood the test of time to a great extent due to his ability to tap into human nature both noble and base. This line is a good example of touching on human nature at its worst. It is one to remember when trying to suss out the truth about a cheater.
My cheater was very angry when I exposed her cheating to the “advisers” she was using to make her separation and divorce look “legit.”
This was still during the gas-lighting phase and prior to the divorce being finalized. I can still hear the anger in her voice as she voiced her frustration over having to talk about her relationship with the Other Man to those “advisers.” In other words, she did not like the inconvenience this caused her by having to lie to direct questions on the matter. At least, that is my perception of it.
Lesson: Look for the vehement protest.
Such was definitely a sign that the relationship was more than just a “friendship” with the Other Man. She doth protest too much.
Plus, I suspect cheaters push back on these charges because of how inconvenient it makes their lives. With the charge of them cheating out there, they have to come up with a story to keep their glittering, “good” Christian image going. It is harder–sadly, not impossible–to convince other Believers that one is a victim of the marriage once one is known to be the perpetrator of adultery.
You’re right. It is definitely not impossible for a cheater to convince others – especially their own family – that they are still somehow the “victim” in spite of their cheating. My ex-MIL didn’t like it when I opened my own bank account and transferred half our life savings into it. She didn’t like it when I finally stop keeping my ex’s “secret” affairs a secret after three years of me bottling it up inside. So, she felt compelled to send me an email which included her saying that ‘he was unhappy for a long time and unhappiness makes people do not so nice things.’
It makes me wonder why he is allowed to do cruel things when he’s unhappy, but I’m not allowed to protect myself when I was deeply hurt and had good reasons not to trust him. The logic there does not make sense. It makes me understand where my ex might have gotten some of his ideas from. Oh, and he can’t even manage to not cheat within an open marriage. He still broke the polyamory contract.