Dumb and Dangerous Advice


“Why don’t you both take a break from each other?”

-Clueless Counselor

This is one of the dumbness pieces of advice given to a couple dealing with infidelity.

The problems of an infidelity ravaged marriage are not solved by creating more distance and less accountability for the cheater. Both are the last things needed, actually.

A break is a very BAD idea for a couple dealing with EITHER emotional or physical affair(s).

Cheating is harder to do with your spouse in the same room–though, sadly, not impossible as some here can attest. It becomes easier–as far as logistics are concerned–with distance from said spouse. “A break from each other” is an excuse to provide such distance, which is another way to say that such advice–IMO–enables further cheating.

Plus, it creates and furthers the illusion at the heart of the problem:

the lie that the cheater is single. 

This lie does not need reinforcement. It needs undermining. 

The cheater needs to be confronted with what he or she did by cheating. It needs to sink in that cheating is completely unacceptable behavior, and something they themselves could have chosen to do otherwise, but didn’t.

They do not need a “permission slip” to run away from the responsibilities of the marriage and the person they just violated by cheating.




4 thoughts on “Dumb and Dangerous Advice”

  1. I was advised to separate for 2 weeks during our first counseling session immediately after discovery. And guess what? She took that time to spend more time with the other man. Awful advice indeed. Our counselor also advised her to go on her weekend getaway with the OM so she can “see God work.”

  2. After years of what I now know was neglect & emotional abuse, I chose to leave town a few stressful weeks after final Dday (discovery of multiple cases of adultery, plus…). I left with our children and asked my now X to make his decision. If he chose us and I knew it was safe, we would be back. Before the week’s end, I knew that we would not be back!
    He was always more concerned about himself and his reputation than us. By leaving, I had given him “freedom” and room to paint whatever story he wanted with him as the victim!

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