Make Ambiguity Work Against Cheater Interests

“Let her remove the adulterous look from her face     and the unfaithfulness from between her breasts.” -Hosea 2:2b, NIV Ambiguity is a main reason faithful spouses remain longer than we should in doomed marriages. Cheaters thrive on ambiguity. This is the key idea behind why a cheater will confess to an emotional affair while continuing … Continue reading “Make Ambiguity Work Against Cheater Interests”

On false hope and being strung along

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life. -Proverbs 13:12, NLT Cheaters are known to string their partners along preying on their willingness to see hope in a miracle marriage restoration where none exists. Like this Proverb says, such deferred hope makes the hearts of faithful spouses sick. … Continue reading “On false hope and being strung along”

Never mention it again?!

“You shouldn’t mention the cheating again. Didn’t you already say you forgave him?!” -Clueless “Christian” Counselor Forgiveness does not erase the impact of the sin(s). If you have a pastor or “Christian” counselor pressuring you, faithful spouse, to never mention the cheating again, you need to find a better counselor/spiritual guide. They are clueless. Recovering from … Continue reading “Never mention it again?!”

PSA: We call those “affair partners.”

Public Service Announcement: We call thEM “AFFAIR PARTNERS.” Cheaters seem to need help. They struggle mightily in labeling their relationships appropriately. Too often, they confuse “affair partners” with “friends.” And they think everyone–maybe especially the faithful spouse–are dumb enough not to know the difference. Some of this is just playing dumb. Some of this is … Continue reading “PSA: We call those “affair partners.””

“I do understand. That is why we are divorced.”

Cheater: “If only you understood me, you wouldn’t judge me so harshly.” Faithful Spouse: “I DO understand. That is why we are divorced.” A failure to understand is not why divorce is often the best of bad options in dealing with a harden cheater. Please do not waste your time sticking your head into that … Continue reading ““I do understand. That is why we are divorced.””

When Your Cheater Is Eager To Attend “Counseling”

Just because a cheater agrees–and is even eager–to attend couple’s counseling with a therapist or pastor does not mean the cheater is interested in working on themselves. In fact, I would pay attention to how eager the cheater is to attend the counseling session. It might seem counter-intuitive but over-eagerness to attend the couple’s counseling … Continue reading “When Your Cheater Is Eager To Attend “Counseling””

Thoughts on Forgiveness

Recently, I came across a blog post on my social media feed. It is found on Dr. Henry Cloud’s website teaching boundaries. The way the author–Dr. Cloud?–frames forgiveness is helpful. The article is entitled, “Just Because You Forgive, it Doesn’t Mean You Have to Trust Again.”  Three important points are laid out as follows, 1. Forgiveness … Continue reading “Thoughts on Forgiveness”

When the choice to divorce wasn’t yours…

When the choice wasn’t yours, you may still have people asking and blaming you for it. Such blaming is not biblical! Scripture is clear that we are responsible for our own actions and sins (see 2 Corinthians 5:10). We do not answer for another’s. It is a good way to go crazy trying to mind-read … Continue reading “When the choice to divorce wasn’t yours…”

Sin is sin. But what about justice and commonsense?

“Sin is sin.” – Christian Minimizing Adultery This is a saying that cheater apologists use to guilt faithful spouses into taking back their cheater. It is a minimization of adultery. Saying, “Sin is sin” is as stupid as saying, “A crime is a crime” then suggesting we should put speeders on the electric chair just … Continue reading “Sin is sin. But what about justice and commonsense?”

DM, This is a text from a friend…

DM, This is a text from my friend regarding my wife who has cheated on me with 4 men over the last 13 years. She is now repentant, running to God like her pants were on fire after I discovered the most recent affair. I feel like my Christian friends are putting it all on … Continue reading “DM, This is a text from a friend…”