Faithful spouses, please do NOT “fight for your marriage.”


“‘If a man commits adultery with another man’s wife—with the wife of his neighbor—both the adulterer and the adulteress are to be put to death.”

-Leviticus 20:10, NIV

Please do NOT fight for your marriage, faithful spouses! 

Doing that simply perpetuates the wrong idea that a cheater is entitled to a marriage they have discarded and destroyed by committing adultery. As Leviticus 20:10 makes clear, an adulterous spouse is not entitled to remaining married. Justice says otherwise. The marriage was over with one act of adultery.

Adulterous spouses ought to be grateful we live in times of modern mercy where they get to keep their lives after committing such evil.

All those books, seminars, and movies out there from a “Christian” perspective encouraging this sort of fighting for one’s marriage following infidelity are enabling abusers to continue abusing faithful spouses.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I am not suggesting a couple with normal marriage–e.g. disagreeing over who does household chores, etc–struggles simply throw in the towel and divorce. That is not the sort of circumstances for which God offers the mercy of divorce.

I am speaking about a marriage where one partner has blown up its bedrock foundation of fidelity and further has demonstrated only contempt for God by assuming the faithful spouse must fixed what he or she sinfully destroyed.

The assumed expectation from Scripture is that the marriage is over when adultery took place or soon would be when justice was served (see Leviticus 20:10 and Deuteronomy 22:22). It is backwards to teach that a Christian faithful spouse is obligated to fight for the marriage discarded and defiled by their adulterous spouse.

I do not see God instructing Jewish men to “fight for their marriages” upon discovery of their adulterous wives here!

That said, I want to be clear regarding my support of faithful spouses. I say this not to shame you if you decided to try your hardest after such a dreadful discovery. Follow your conscience and honor God as He gives you peace.

My point is “fighting for your marriage” is not an obligation placed by God upon a faithful spouse who has discovered they are married to a cheater. Such an obligation is the construct of religious people who like placing heavy burdens upon already downtrodden individuals.

So, faithful spouses, please do not feel obligated to fight for your marriage following infidelity. It ain’t your fight to own, but rather the cheater’s.