It’s not me, it’s you.


-When the blame-shifting starts…

-When the pastor or counselor suggests you drove the cheater to it by doing…

-When the cheater whines, “Why!” to the divorce…

“It’s not me; it’s you.”

Stop wasting your time on figuring out what you did to “deserve” this. You did not deserve it!

Your action or inaction did not force your cheater to commit adultery. Certainly, you did not make them lie all this time about it either.

The cheater owns their own actions.

I know. What a novel thought! We are responsible for our own actions, choices, and sins (see Mark 7:21-23).

Too often, faithful spouses take on blame which isn’t theirs. They allow cheaters and their supporters pin the cheater’s sins on them.

No more!

Cheaters are free to believe whatever they want to believe.

So can the crazy counselors and pathetic pastors who maintain the lie that faithful spouses are to blame–even “only” partially–for the sins of cheaters (see The Shared Responsibility Lie).

It is time to write our own narrative, faithful spouse. A narrative that starts with speaking truth (even if just internally) to the cheater:

“It’s not me; it’s you.”