And then it was just another day.

And then it was just another day.

Yesterday marked the anniversary of my divorce decree. The strange thing is that I had completely forgotten about that fact until today.

In fact, I only remembered because I got engaged to Mrs. DM the day following my year anniversary of the divorce. I saw a picture reminding me of that happy day.

Then I remembered. Oh, yeah. Yesterday was my divorce anniversary.

Hmm. Okay.

It felt just like any other Monday.

I share this an encouragement to those of you in the trenches today. You cannot imagine not remembering your divorce day. It has been that traumatic and painful.

If you had spoken to me one or two years ago, I probably would have thought I never would forget my divorce day anniversary either. Yet here I am. Four years removed.

Life has moved on from that painful event and season.

In fact, my life today is so full and fulfilling that I failed to remember the day I was declared divorced from a cheater on the day itself!

It only took me four years to get to this place.

I don’t know how long it will take you, faithful spouse, to join me in this place. In fact, it is okay if you never do get here.

That’s grief.

And there is no shame in grieving a marriage traumatically lost as that just means you were deeply invested in that marriage.

And remember: grief does not operate on a deadline.

But I am thankful for my forgetfulness yesterday. It is a testimony to what God has done in my life. And if He can do that for me, He can do it for you as well!


4 thoughts on “And then it was just another day.”

  1. I thought I was having heart problems.
    Weight in my chest, numbness in my arms, it was scary. Saw my doctor who sent me to cardiologist. Blood tests, EKG, physical exam, interview and then came back for treadmill stress test and echo cardiogram. It all came back OK. Lose some weight and get more exercise.
    Talking it over with my wife (a veteran ICU nurse) I realized this was about my youngest son’s recent wedding and the oldest son’s impending divorce. It was taking me back to the pain I had experienced sixteen years before when my wife was committing adultery and wanted a divorce. I had to conduct business with her at our son’s wedding and watch her flit about at the reception. Despite a dozen sessions of EMDR by a professional to alleviate PTSD I was right back there again sixteen years later.
    Talking about it, acknowledging the source and knowing I was not having heart problems has made all the difference. I feel much better now.
    We went to see the film, “Manchester by the Sea” last week. The main character is a man who suffered a severe personal tragedy. We wept through the scenes where he was forced to revisit the emotional trauma of the past. He could not beat it and coped by alternating between being an emotional zombie and rage. Talking about it afterwards I felt I was doing OK with what I had experienced. Our past does not go just go away. It blends together to form who we are today. I am good with that. When I facilitate divorce recovery groups it helps me point people towards healing.

    2 Corinthians 1:3-7 CEB
    3 May the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ be blessed! He is the compassionate Father and God of all comfort. 4 He’s the one who comforts us in all our trouble so that we can comfort other people who are in every kind of trouble. We offer the same comfort that we ourselves received from God. 5 That is because we receive so much comfort through Christ in the same way that we share so many of Christ’s sufferings. 6 So if we have trouble, it is to bring you comfort and salvation. If we are comforted, it is to bring you comfort from the experience of endurance while you go through the same sufferings that we also suffer. 7 Our hope for you is certain, because we know that as you are partners in suffering, so also you are partners in comfort.

  2. Thank you for this. It brought tears to my eyes. I’m needing that hope right now. I’m about six months out from my divorce decree and while I’m starting to have more good days than bad, the bad days are still very dark. I wish I had a timeline for grief. I feel like if I knew when things would start being better I could just push through and hold on until then. But right now the pain and grief stretch out interminably in front of me.

    1. AtPeace,
      That is completely to be expected at the stage where you find yourself. I wish I could give you a timeline, but I can’t. But be assured the sharp pain does fade. The tears do become fewer and farther apart. And there is no shame for grieving such major losses that come with losing a marriage so traumatically.

      Blessings and hugs,

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