Kandi Burruss’ Reads Adulteress’ Letter

Yesterday, Chump Lady sent me a link to the video clip below.

It is a link from TV personality Steve Harvey’s website. Kandi Burruss is tackling a letter sent by a woman who is contemplating joining the same church as the faithful spouse she supplanted via adultery with her (now former) husband.

Watch and listen below:

Several thoughts on this situation and clip:

  1. This woman has some serious issues. She repeatedly calls the faithful wife bitter yet demonstrates no remorse for wronging this woman. She does not make the connection between her actions and the faithful wife’s pain. This is like an embezzler stealing a million dollars from a woman than complaining that she is “bitter” over how rich he is and daring to object about his stealing from her. Folks, this is what it looks like to have a hard-heart!
  2. She suggests she is puzzled over why the pastor is giving her the cold shoulder. This came after she disclosed the pastor was called in to counsel in the marriage she helped destroy. Did it ever occur to her that a pastor might have a problem with her flaunting adultery in his church? I would be more concerned–not that I am not concerned as it is–with this pastor if he rolled out the welcome mat to this adulteress knowing what he does.
  3. Kandi–the radio hostess–did not recognize or point out that adultery is incompatible for Christian living and may be disqualifying for church membership. Scripture is clear that those who continue in adultery will not enter God’s Kingdom (see 1 Corinthians 6:9-10). It is further clear that unrepentant adulterous spouses are to be excluded from Christian fellowship (see I Corinthians 5:11). They certainly are not to be included as members in good-standing! Make no mistake: an adulteress calling the faithful ex-wife bitter like this is not an adulteress evidencing repentance. In fact, a competent pastor ought to be warning this woman to examine herself as her actions call into question her salvation (see I John 3:6). It is too bad this woman has not received or understood a clear message from the pastor that he will not tolerate adultery in his church, which means minimally not making members of unrepentant adulterous individuals.

It bothered me no reference was made to the Ten Commandments and its prohibition of committing adultery. Kandi even claimed to be from the Holiness Movement* background! This is a major oversight when talking about Christianity and adultery.

The hostesses make excuses for this woman suggesting it is okay because some pastors commit adultery as well. That is one weak argument.

Just because a pastor commits adultery does not mean God finds adultery acceptable in His Church. God did not accept or tolerate King David’s adultery (see 2 Samuel 12). I do not think God has changed on that number today, either (see Hebrews 13:4).

My heart goes out to the faithful spouse in this scenario. What treacheryIt might be best for her to leave this church as it does not sound like a place that takes adultery seriously and Biblically. This does not sound like a safe environment for victims of soul rape.

Plus, how a known and open adulterer can remain a member in good-standing there ought to be reason enough to leave! Just sickening.



*I helped teach church history at Yale Divinity School as a Teaching Fellow for a year following seminary. For those without a church history background, the Holiness Movement was a movement in US church history that emphasized holy living. That is why this is so ironic. Nothing could me more unholy than a life marked by ongoing, unrepentant adultery!

4 thoughts on “Kandi Burruss’ Reads Adulteress’ Letter”

  1. Very well said, D.M. By the way, what do you think about the recent decision for Willow Creek Church to hire Tullian Tchividjian as it’s new Director of Ministry Development? Do you think it was a bit too soon after he was deposed?

    1. I have conflicted feelings on this one. TT is both adulterer AND faithful spouse…according to the reports I have read. Regardless, he is fully responsible for choosing adultery and bears the consequences of that–i.e. he lost his pulpit and was defrocked last time I checked. Those are pretty severe consequences and more than most cheaters face.

      Certainly, he should not be in the pulpit at this time. He was defrocked; so, I do not see that as happening here with that position. I agree with the pastor hiring him that having TT in a community that knows him is better than casting him out into the darkness, so to speak. The devil is in the details of his position and not placing him in a place of ministerial leadership at this time, IMO. He would need to prove himself for such a restoration to take place and a few weeks is not enough time to do so.

  2. The other woman is obviously a cold-hearted, selfish woman. That’s not surprising but the lack of compassion from the two radio hosts is awful. Too many icky people in this world who don’t stand up for what is really right. George Simon says the increase of manipulators is detrimental to our nation but the fact that there are so many now who don’t stand up to it will be the actual downfall of our nation. I found this painful to watch.

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