*DM on August 19, 2006.
Today is a sad day for me.
It was a day of celebration eleven years ago. Today was my first wedding day.
I am amazed that even eleven years–and all the awfulness involved–does not obliterate the memories of that day. Our memories are fascinating things.
I can still recall moments from that wedding day with technicolor precision. These are bittersweet memories.
That said, the two people getting married that beautiful August day in 2006 are like strangers to me today.
On the one hand, I am a very different man than I was on that day. Older. Balder. Maturer. Bigger. Wiser. And better educated.
On the other hand, my understanding of the woman I thought I had married “died” the day she signed our divorce decree roughly five years ago.
I had underestimated her capacity to betray and overestimated her commitment to kindness and godliness.
It is okay to feel sad on an old anniversary. That just means you valued what was taken from you–or what you thought you had. It is a scar.
And like scars, I have found it does not hurt as much or as often as it used to. But some days or anniversaries bring back some of the bittersweet pain. That is to be expected.
That is grief.
And grief is a healthy response to loss.