No Friendship With Darkness

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? -2 Cor. 6:14, NIV

wpid-2014-08-01-13.50.06.jpg.jpegI never understood the push to become friends with one’s ex-spouse following the adulterous end of a marriage. While I get how one might become friends after the adulterous spouse fully repents, I do not see how it would be either healthy or wise to be friends with someone who continued to treated both the faithful spouse and God with such utter contempt. As the verse I quoted today puts it: how can light have fellowship with darkness?


In fact, I think a faithful, Christian spouse would be doing an unbiblical thing maintaining friendship with an unrepentant adulterer/adulteress. After all, the Apostle Paul instructed the Corinthian church not to even eat with such people (see I Cor. 5:11)! Such instructions were given in the hopes that the sexually immoral brother/sister would repent and own their choices thereby doing good for their own souls’ future. You see, Paul was more interested in seeing souls saved than in people feeling comfortable or human relationships continuing to look “good” on the outside.


In the twisted and distorted “Christian” world, I experienced a push for such a friendship to be achieved. Who doesn’t love a great redemption story (especially if you are a Christian)?


However, do we push rape survivors to be friends with their rapists? Do we ask the parents of a murdered son to become friends with their son’s murderer? No?


If not, why do we insist that those who were soul raped then ought to become friends with their rapists? Forgive them, yes (with God’s power and grace enabling us). But friendship requires more than just forgiveness. It requires reciprocity and trust.


As a rule, a friend does not abuse a friend. Nor do they betray them. And if they do, then they do all they can to repair the damage understanding that they were the ones that harmed or even destroyed the friendship.


By committing adultery, the unfaithful spouse has demonstrated to the faithful spouse that they are no longer a friend. They have raped the faithful spouse’s soul. They have broken trust and betrayed the faithful spouse at the highest known level of human relationships.


If the Christian world really wants the couple to become friends, then they ought to come down like a ton of lead bricks on the cheater exhorting him/her to repent and repair what he/she destroyed through his/her sins.


So, Christian world, want to see more redemption stories with spouses as friends after adultery? Let’s start by calling the cheater to full repentance.

7 thoughts on “No Friendship With Darkness”

    1. Some good thoughts in the article, ChumpDad. I agree with the push for ending animosity, politeness, etc. Honestly, those are good descriptions of getting to a place of forgiveness. However, I do not think it is healthy to encourage a friendship with someone who is not friendship material. That’s about reconciliation, and reconciliation requires both parties to engage in it. You seem to get that in your comment after posting the article.

  1. Some strong words. Necessary, too. the push for friendship is solely for the comfort of those friends, relations impacted by the re defined roles of the once married spouses. The push also reflects how little understanding, biblical understanding many Christians have about their faith. As well as about living their faith past or beyond Sunday worship.

  2. Thank you for posting this. I come over here from chumpnation. Full disclosure: I’m not really a Christian, but I like your take on infidelity. Thank you for posting this. I’ve often said to people “being friends with x is like asking George Washington to be ‘friends’ with Benedict Arnold. Or George W. to be ‘friends’ with that Snowden fellow.”

    1. Leia-thanks for checking it out! You don’t have to share our faith to visit the site, all are welcome 🙂 I would add to your post that being told to be friends with your ex after adultery is like asking the Ash tree to be friends with the Emerald Ash Borer.

  3. I was chumped. However, in my case I knew I was going to have to deal with my ex on a regular basis because of our daughter, so it was best to take the high road. (That road included from time to time attempts to call her out on what her continuing relationship really was in God’s eyes.) I don’t recommend that in all or even most cases, but categorical denunciation does not take into account all the variables.

    1. Jff,

      When children are involved (and even not), I see a good case for civility. Complete cutting off is not really possible then. That said, civility is not the same as friendship. Treat them like a tax collector with whom one must do business, I suppose. We are all called to live in peace as it is up to us.

Comments are closed.