This is a painful truth that the church needs to internalize. Divorce need not be chosen by both partners.
One spouse can unilaterally decide to leave…
…for any–or no–reason whatsoever!
It is possible to have one spouse invested in seeing the marriage work 100% plus. That does not matter if the other spouse is done.
And the reason the other spouse is done might be highly ungodly–e.g. they just want to be married to another, the affair partner.
The secular law does not really care whether or not the filing spouse has biblical grounds for divorce. A divorce will still be granted.
And this is the second important truth to internalize:
We do not control how committed (or not) our spouse is to the marriage.
All the marriage seminars and so-called “affair proofing” work does not change this fact. We only control our own decisions and actions. Not our spouse’s.
You cannot “save” your marriage alone.
Yet one can absolutely kill a marriage alone. A decision to divorce only takes one.
So, ultimately, it is not up to you to stay married. It is was and always is a joint effort–i.e. the staying married part.