Fools mock at making amends for sin,
but goodwill is found among the upright.
– Proverbs 14:9, NIV
When someone intentionally boils water and scalds another with it, I find it heartless to then blame the burn victim for crying out in pain when they are touched lightly on his/her burns. Such is how I view people who blame the faithful spouse for having “trust issues” following discovering adultery. They are pushing on a sore spot created by the willful sins of an adulterous spouse against him or her.
Of course, they have trust issues!
They were just intentionally and horrifically burned!
It is going to take time to heal these “trust” burns. And a fool is the one who mocks at making amends for this breach of trust as this Proverb tells us.
Going into my relationship with Mrs. DM, I still had triggers or open burn wounds from my first marriage. Mrs. DM’s fear was that I would project all my ex’s junk onto her–i.e. assume evil intent with none present. She is good at reading me, and Mrs. DM was patient with me in my healing process in these areas.
It took some time to heal from lies spoken into my life from my ex and her “supporters.” Those were my deepest “burns” or wounds from my first marriage (“Like a club or a sword or a sharp arrow is one who gives false testimony against a neighbor” -Proverbs 25:18, NIV). As I got stronger knowing the truth of my identity, these burns healed and the triggers went away.
Be kind to yourself in this process.
And surround yourself with people who understand you are healing from horrible burns.
It is okay to be sensitive.
Recognize the source–i.e. the lies or wounds from the adulterous spouse, etc.–and counter them with truth.