Speak not in the ears of a fool: for he will despise the wisdom of thy words.
-Proverbs 23:9, KJV
When I discovered the Other Man, I was certainly obsessed with finding out more information about him like most of us. For a brief time, I considered showing up at his doorstep and giving a butt-kicking. Prudence won out. I did not go to his doorstep and have never met him personally to this day.
Anyone–woman or man–who knowingly gets involved with a married person has already demonstrated a lack of wisdom by doing so. Trying to convince such a person that what they did was wrong and that they need to ask for your forgiveness is generally a fool’s errand.
Save yourself the aggravation. Don’t go.
Besides the Other Man/Other Woman is not all that special. This is what sealed it for me. I realized that if it wasn’t this particular Other Man, then it would have been another. He just happened to be the particular fool that fell into her sinful folly.
In other words, this person did not force my wife to lie to me and break her marriage vows. She freely made those choices herself.
Adultery is not about the Other Man/Other Woman. It is about the deficit of character in the cheating spouse. This other person just happens to be the particular person whose sinful actions with your partner exposed that deficit.
A person–i.e. the cheating spouse–with such profound character flaws is not a prize over which to fight. Neither is the person who shares those flaws as evidenced by sleeping with your partner. They both lack wisdom.
Until both are truly broken by their sinful choices, they are still stuck in their arrogant, sinful folly. It is a waste of time, as the writer of Proverbs states, to try and reason with a fool.