Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!
-Isaiah 5:20, KJV
Part of the injustice faithful spouses often experience is a community of people–even confessing Christians–who will not accept what happened or do and then blame the faithful spouse–if only in part–for the adultery.
My encouragement to faithful spouses is not to waste energy on such individuals. If they know what happened and choose to blame the faithful spouse, then they are have chosen an unbiblical position. In other words, they are wrong.
It is not your job to convict them of this wrongful choice and stance. That’s the Holy Spirit’s place.
Move on to relationships that actually are supportive, instead.
Faithful spouses–present company included–waste great amounts of energy trying to fix the world to make it as it “should be” or–in other words–get people to stop believing wrongful things like adultery has a shared cause from both marriage partners.
To find healing, I think one has to get to the place where one is willing to accept some people will continue to choose to be wrong on the matter. And that is okay because you know in your heart that they are wrong about you and what happened. This is healthy as your are respecting their free will as you respect your own.
Others can and will be wrong.
But their wrongness does not change the truth of the matter for you.