Just because a cheater has agreed to see a Christian counselor or pastor to work on the marriage does not necessarily mean the cheater has ended the affair.
It boggles my mind to think a cheater would attend Christian marriage counseling with a therapist or pastor while secretly continuing to cheat. But it happens!
I know of several situations where this happened. And I bet more readers of the blog could share their own horror stories confirming this awful phenomenon.
-Surely, someone who attends marriage counseling wouldn’t -continue committing adultery?
-Surely, they understand that they are sabotaging the effort by doing so and wasting everyone’s time?
-Surely, a spouse could not be that cold-hearted and cruel towards his or her partner as to give them false hope?
Some cheaters are that cruel.
Some cheaters have no problem cheating through the whole time with the pastor and Christian counselor never the wiser.
Some cheaters see attending these sessions as another avenue to lash out at their partners and blame-shift upon them for the marriage’s end.
For someone who wants to believe in people’s best intentions, it may be shocking to realize these things. It may be difficult to realize that not everyone who attends marriage counseling is there to heal their marriage.
Some have more nefarious purposes like managing their images while attacking their partner verbally under the guise of helping the faithful partner “own their issues.”
Be wise, pastors:
I experienced this.
After agreeing to ten sessions with a licensed christian therapist and a signed agreement not to contact the third party, she went ahead anyway. It became obvious she was there just to beat me up and polish her image to family. The therapist was wise to her and kept going back to the choices that she had made. That did not go over well with someone who wanted to be seen as the victim despite multiple affairs. The joint sessions ended after five weeks, but I continued with the therapist a bit longer. She helped me understand what had just happened and see it as a gift- a clear demonstration of my former wife’s heart.
I find it especially chilling when cheaters play that “game” of going to marriage counseling while continuing to cheat. It is a demonstration of bankrupt character and a cruel heart, definitely.