These last few days I have heard/read stories about Christian counselors who have failed to directly addressed adultery. They have avoided the awkward conversation insisting upon full disclosure or full commitment to rebuilding the marriage from the adulterous spouse. And these individuals have cited various reasons for this.
This angers me! I know how it feels to have a counselor not take adultery or infidelity seriously. Such lack of confrontation on this issue usually backfires onto the faithful spouse where their behavior becomes the focus while adultery/infidelity/lies remain covered and thereby enabled.
It needs to stop!
My encouragement to the faithful spouses and pastors/Christian leaders reading this blog is to find someone or be someone who has a Godly, backbone on these issues.
Do not accept excuses of blaming-shifting from adulterous spouses!
Do not all adulterous spouses to make something else the issue (i.e. the old red herring)!
Do not back off from calling for repentance in deed as well as in word!
We need more people like the Prophet Nathan in our midst (2 Samuel 12). People willing to call out sin even and especially if it is scary. We need Christian leaders willing to give voice to the vulnerable faithful spouses plus children and protect them from further damage.
Adultery is a big deal. And it is avoidable as long as Godly choices are made.
For example, take the following fictional exchange between a pastor, unfaithful wife, and with her faithful husband present:
Unfaithful Wife: “Well, I just took off my wedding ring at the bar to see if a guy would hit on me. A guy did, and I later told him I was married. I know it was wrong, but we’ve struggling in our marriage, and I guess I just needed the attention.”
Pastor: “Let me get this straight: You willfully chose to take off your wedding ring. And you accepted the romantic attention of another man reportedly initially even though that violates your wedding vow to ‘forsake all others.’ And now you are trying to convince me that it wasn’t a big deal and your sin was not caused by your choices but by the state of your marriage. I am not buying it. You were unfaithful to God and your husband. In other words, you chose to sin, and you need to learn to make better choices in the future after you seek forgiveness from God and your husband here.”
Faithful spouses, look for a pastor or Christian counselor with a backbone willing to point out the choices made in choosing adultery or infidelity. Such is a godly counselor and gives the best chance for their to be real repentance in the situation in my opinion.