How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
-Luke 6:42, NIV
What is astounding to me is how blind cheaters are to the “plank” in their own eye.
They think they hold the answers to why their marriage is falling apart–hint: it is never really their fault–and they are often willing to “help” by providing their list of how the faithful spouse’s performance has come up short.
That “plank” labeled “ADULTERY!” is best ignored. They are the righteous ones in this scenario. The faithful spouse is the real sinner.
At least, that is how the smug, self-righteous cheater often presents.
And what is even worse is how outsiders–like pastors and other Christians–cheer on this madness!
They actually solicit the cheater for this list!
It is maddening as a pastor (and survivor of soul rape) to realize this is standard operating procedure in pastoral offices across the globe!
So much energy is wasted upon addressing the speck in the faithful spouse’s eye while the “plank” is left practically ignored by the pastor or other Christian leader.
Advice is dispensed to faithful spouses to “own their part.” They are told the cheating–especially emotional affairs–are really just symptoms of relationship issues for which they are usually blamed.
And all this behavior feeds into the cheater’s arrogance.
Think about it:
Do you really think someone who has committed adultery and lived a double life for months–or even years–without repenting is qualified to dispense advice on how to fix a marriage in crisis and live a godly life?!
This is–in part–why I highly discourage listening to cheaters until after they have demonstrated real repentance in the marriage. They are blind guides without the “plank” removed by repentance.