Sometimes Seeing “Both Sides” Is Harmful, NOT Helpful!

 “You shall not commit adultery.”

-Exodus 20:14, NIV

While people commit sins for a whole host of reasons, such reasoning does not make the sin less than sin.

The Bible does not instruct us to understand our sin but rather to forsake it and repent!

It is no wonder faithful spouses feel hurt by pastors and “Christian” therapists who push the faithful spouse to understand why the cheater “had to” cheat.

These Christian leaders are spending energy trying to get the victim of the sin to “understand” why they “had to” be victimized. A more godly use of such energy would be to direct it towards the cheater and pressuring this person to forsake and repent of their sin.


Adultery is soul rape.

So, focusing on what the faithful spouse did to “make” the adulterous spouse cheat is like “helping” a rape victim understand why her rapist “had to” rape her. It is wickedly damaging stuff!

You do not need to see “both sides” to call sin, sin.

The rapist’s side does not matter (once rape has been established). After all, nothing a rapist could say could ever justify rape.

Similarly, nothing an adulterous spouse could say justifies committing adultery. 

To work on “understanding” the cheater’s reason for committing adultery suggests otherwise. It suggests that the faithful spouse was somehow responsible for being soul raped.

That is a lie.

And quite frankly, I am tired of how such a lie among Christians gets such a free pass. We are to be people of truth and righteousness. This is not becoming of God’s Bride.

The problem is NOT that the faithful spouse is failing to understand the cheater’s side but rather that the cheater chose sin and needs to repent of it!


2 thoughts on “Sometimes Seeing “Both Sides” Is Harmful, NOT Helpful!”

  1. I think part of the problem is that the cheater may not be trying to understand the faithful spouse’s side. Not sinning doesn’t make your side less important!

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