THAT “friend”

After the Lord had finished speaking to Job, he said to Eliphaz the Temanite: “I am angry with you and your two friends, for you have not spoken accurately about me….”

-Job 42:7a, NLT

THAT “friend” said all sort of things to you…inaccurate about God (and you) like Job’s friends.

Sometimes this is done out of ignorance. They just have no frame of reference.

But that does not stop them–like Job’s friends–dispensing their “wisdom,” which you “must” accept as pure “gold.”

When they persist spouting ignorance and blaming you for your victimization, they are crossing a line. That is not the behavior of a friend.

It is time to find a new friend and cut this “friend” loose.

Yet it might be easier cutting them out of your life than evicting the condemning voice they left behind in your head.

That voice remains whispering lies destroying your self-esteem and undermining your relationship with God:

-It’s the voice that claims impartiality while blame-shifting this evil upon you.

-It’s the voice that pushes the lie that you “must” tolerate the ongoing infidelity “for the sake of the kids.”

-It’s the voice telling you that you have to be a perfect spouse in order to expect fidelity and the honoring of marriage vows from your partner.

-It’s the voice telling you that God will never forgive you for divorcing a cheater or being divorced by one.

The power of a good friends’ words is that they can strengthen us in times when our “knees” are weak. Yet that same power can be used by “friends” to stab us in the back with these lies or versions of them.

I am convinced healing from the infidelity and divorce experience includes learning how to see these statements for the lies they are. And when we feel tempted to beat ourselves up with them, we call them out for the lies they are.

We evict the voice of the Accuser.


3 thoughts on “THAT “friend””

  1. This is a text from my friend regarding my wife who has cheated on me with 4 men over the last 13 years. She is now repentant, running to God like her pants were on fire after I discovered the most recent affair. I feel like my Christian friends are putting it all on me to forgive her, show her mercy, and reconcile. I find the profoundly unfair.

    “Sometimes Gods Word hurts as we read it because we don’t feel we want to apply it to our situations in life but His Word is where we find healing and His wide open arms ready to embrace us.
    Believe his Word brother, we can believe in Jesus but not believe His Word and that is why we find ourselves so distant from God sometimes.
    I know forgiveness and mercy don’t even feel possible to you right now and our flesh says she doesn’t deserve it, but Jesus says just the opposite. Forgiveness and mercy brings healing to your soul and your relationship with God so much closer. Brother trust Him and His Word. Jesus knew the path to the Father and as he hung there on the cross after being beaten, whipped, mocked, spit on and much more, his words were Father forgive them for the do not know what they do. Forgiveness and mercy is the entire story of the Bible and God is ready to walk you thru that when you ask him.

    I am praying for you brother every single day! I love you brother and God loves you.”

  2. Oh, my brother in Christ! I cringe when I see this!ive gone through the same thing! I’m the female version of it. My situation was so heinous that some had to close their mouths…but it still happened. Such a complete misunderstanding of forgiveness, trauma, trust, on and on and on. And oh how it makes you feel SO alone. Am I right? It was that way for me anyway. God’s glory, and a closer walk with him came out of it…so I will say thank you Jesus. But it doesn’t take away from the harmful, hurtful, devastating results of this well meaning (benefit of the doubt given) garbage advice. I’m so sorry. I will pray for you and the scores like you. Mine is mostly over now, being divorced for over a year. But nothing is the same in my world, the old one or the new! I will say, Father forgive them…as Job was instructed to do for these so called friends. And we let God pour truth and conviction into these people’s hearts!!!

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