The person with the Spirit makes judgments about all things, but such a person is not subject to merely human judgments….
-I Corinthians 2:15, NIV
Dave Ramsey and his company has hit the news recently. The stories are far from flattering, though.
One statement about the work culture at Ramsey Solutions caught my attention. The author of the statement is Melissa Hogan and her former husband is employed as a leader with Ramsey’s company.
I want to start by saying I know nothing besides what is shared in her statement about why or how her marriage ended. This post is not about that.
I am writing about how disturbingly entitled some evangelical leaders are. They do not respect important and healthy boundaries.
The red flags started flying for me early in the first paragraph of Hogan’s statement:
I was also requested to and did attend at least one dinner and spousal interview. I prepared and submitted our personal family budget, my understanding being that it was required as part of the hiring process.
This was for her (now ex) husband’s job interview! She wasn’t being considered for the hire.
Can you imagine a secular non-profit asking the spouse to do this in order to decide whether or not to hire the other spouse?!
Consider the personal budget requirement. Would you trust your employer with that much information about you?! I wouldn’t.
I understand Ramsey Solutions is a wealth management company. However, this seems extremely invasive. So, these early warning sings makes me less than shocked that this was not the end of the invasion of privacy by this company.
Her marriage eventually hit some troubled times. The leadership at Ramsey Solutions intervened by creating a plan to help “restore” her marriage. She writes,
“…it was dictated that members of the board of Ramsey Solutions would have ‘full access to updates from all counselors involved, in real time.’ In essence, as part of that process, we were to waive confidentiality with our therapists in order for them to report to Ramsey Solutions’ leaders.”
This reminds me of what I endured with my ex-father-in-law as well as my former denomination. He send me a “restoration plan” like email that was full of lies. My former denomination required letters from my therapists as well in my trial to keep my minister’s license. My point is this is not uncommon in the evangelical world.
I cannot imagine how terrifying this must have been for Ms. Hogan. The main employer is using their financial position over their family to force her into an abusive relationship, in my lay opinion, with them. Sadly, I know more than one pastor who has experience the same sort of betrayal after the betrayal of their spouse.
As if this inappropriate intrusion was not enough, they went on to attempt to dominate her:
“They characterized their plan as aligning with the Holy Spirit, and suggested that things would not ‘end well’ if I made choices to support healing in my marriage and family that either were not directed by them or decisions that they did not approve. One board member stated on a phone call, ‘We have to have oversight’ over the steps we were taking.”
So, if she disagreed with their plan for her marriage, she was disagreeing with God according to this. Such is a spiritually abusive situation. The use of fear to control to control Ms. Hogan is not from God (see 2 Timothy 1:7).
I will leave the rest of the statement for you to read (see here).
The reason I share this statement and commentary is I recognize THAT intrusive, evangelical flavor of alleged Christianity. It is usually couched in terms of care or restoration.
The reality is broken humans are given too much power and abuse that power in the lives of vulnerable and hurting adults. Making it worse, the abusive leadership believes they are entitled to this sort of power as their God-given “oversight.” It is sick.
I am sure more than one reader here can relate to Ms. Hogan in this awful experience as I know some church cultures behave this way towards faithful spouses, sadly.
I will close by encouraging you to pay attention to the red flags of intrusiveness.
No one ought to be making your adult decisions for you. You are the one who will one day give an account for your own actions before God (see 2 Corinthians 5:10). I recommend you not allow another make those decisions for you.
