Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed.
John 3:20, NIV
Value differences are so great between a faithful spouse and a cheater that sometimes it is hard to fathom and accept a cheater’s actions as actually having happened.
A faithful spouse who values personal integrity and fidelity may find it impossible to imagine a world where he violated his marriage sexually and was able to keep the truth hidden from his wife for months or even years!
Further, a faithful spouse may find it hard to believe that their partner engaged in this behavior while succeeding outwardly in their profession–including such professions as social work, marriage therapist, psychologist, and pastor.
The guilt and shame over the adultery would incapacitate us!
Not so much with “accomplished” cheaters.
They delight in the darkness.
The light is hated as it takes away their power to deceive, hide, and manipulate. In the light, their lacking character is exposed. The “cat is out of the bag,” and trying to put it back in the bag is like trying to give the cat a bath. That ain’t gonna happen!
It is important to get wise about the sort of people who inhabit this world. An elder–including a pastor–is capable of living a double life preaching up front in church and banging the married secretary out back in the parking lot. It is disgusting, but the reality of living in a world filled with people broken through sin and willing to partner with the darkness.
Similarly, it is important to realize that a “Christian” adulterous spouse has many reasons to keep the truth hidden. Essentially, those reasons boil down to control and power. They want to control their image and relationships, which sometimes includes the marriage that they violated through adultery and lies.
People knowing the truth gives them power.
After all, it is much harder to manipulate people through charm or playing the marriage “victim” when it is known that you were banging someone on the side while talking about how bad your spouse was.