When the ring is the focus…


For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.

-I Timothy 6:10, NIV

When I proposed to my first wife, I had a dramatically different response than when I proposed to Mrs. DM.

My first wife grabbed the engagement ring and only–almost as an afterthought as I remember it–answered my question regarding whether she would marry me. In fact, my first wife even asked me at that point whether I was sure I wanted to marry her.

Mrs. DM was focused on me when I proposed. Of course, she took the ring and was interested in it. However, it was obvious to me that she was more excited about what the ring symbolized–a life together–than what the ring was–a costly piece of jewelry.

The contrast between those two proposal responses is night and day different.

Money was a problem in my first marriage. In my opinion, I believe it remains today the god of ex and ex-in-laws. My first wife’s response to my proposal was rather revealing as to her priorities. Money and wealth taking precedence over relationship. Obviously, I missed that red flag.

Money comes and goes. What we invest in people is eternal as souls are eternal.

I would encourage each of us to remember this priority. God did not make us to serve money or to be wealth’s slave. Such bondage is destructive for relationships, and that includes marriages.

The engagement ring ought not to be the focus.

It ought not to be the most exciting thing about the proposal. 

A future together as husband and wife should be!

4 thoughts on “When the ring is the focus…”

  1. Oh, my gosh. They are all really channeling the same demon. 😀 Wish I’d read this before I got engaged. (Of course, you were probably still in grade school.) My ex was always more interested in the rings than in even talking with me. But now that I’m thinking about it, that was only when we were alone. When we were with others he pretended to be different. Typical. Glad you found someone who appreciates you. 🙂

  2. A couple years after my divorce was final I met my current wife who is a critical care nurse.. I had set aside a chunk of cash for an engagement ring. When we went ring shopping she only wanted a simple band with a few embedded diamonds. When I told her than I had a larger budget than that she told me, “No, I am constantly re-gloving and washing my hands so a big flashy ring is not good and I want to wear wear my ring all the time.”
    I think I chose wisely.

  3. My ex got kind of annoyed that I was so agreeable that I didn’t even care about what kind of ring I got. We even joked about me wearing a twist-tie. I ended up getting a small diamond. Then, my ex-MIL got kind of concerned I wasn’t all bubbly and talking about the wedding all the time like most women. I told my ex at that time that I was more concerned about marriage than the wedding, but I guess I was supposed to be soooooo excited to marry him that I just talked and talked and talked about the wedding. Truth be told, I would have been fine with eloping. ex-MIL kept bringing up different concerns about me to the ex when we were close to the wedding. I guess I was different from a lot of people. Given that this is a fallen world with many temptations and sins, I’m not so sure being different is such a bad thing.

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