Brene Brown has some excellent resources on dealing with shame. She is not approaching this subject as a Christian pastor per se. She is a researcher. But she has some excellent insights that I found personally helpful.
Three of her books, I highly recommend. The Gifts of Imperfection, I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t), & Daring Greatly. Below are a couple youtube videos of her talking on these matters. The first video emphasizes why it is vital that we, faithful spouses, tell our story. Telling our story is necessary to escape the shame. Second, the next video explains that not everyone is entitled to hear our story. It is a gift to hear it. This is a great gift especially when we are being very vulnerable about our story.