Some cheaters will never give up their narrative of “what went wrong.”
Naive Christians think such madness is finite. They think the cheater will “have to” face the difficult reality some day.
Surely, she will eventually come to her senses and face the reality that she blew up her marriage by committing adultery.
Don’t count on it!
Some cheaters are so committed to their lies that they have lost the ability to grasp truth and reality in this matter. And this makes them dangerous, in my personal opinion.
Can you imagine remaining friends with someone who denied your reality nearly every chance he or she got to? These are the type of individuals who will deny they said or did things even though you have it in writing from their own hands.
That is a description of what some faithful spouses encounter with their cheaters. Remaining “friends” with such individuals means following them down the rabbit hole of delusion and into a world of misery.
Remaining “friends” with a person means being “friends” with someone thoroughly committed to abusing you mentally and emotionally since he or she needs to convince you of their delusional narrative at any cost to you.
This is yet another reason repentance needs to happen before restoration of the relationship–including even if that restoration is just to friendship. Repentance indicates the cheater has ceased the hostilities.
Some Christians and pastors are so sheltered that they have not encountered people–like some cheaters–who would rather double down on vicious lies than accept even the clearest, demonstrated fact that makes them look bad.
Trust me, these sort of people exist. Whether they are doing it intentionally or unintentionall–as fully deluded themselves–they are nonetheless poor company for someone trying to recover from the trauma they have just inflicted.
This. Thank you. My Ex is exhibiting this behavior so far. Thank goodness I have a therapist that understands this behavior. As she says “he has given you nothing to work with”.
Stay away.
Thank you DM.
Yep, still there after fifteen years.
It is still about me instead of her serial adultery.
Yes, I feel I have forgiven her. I do not wish her harm and do not speak poorly about her to our adult children. But I do not want to be her friend. My friends are not unrepentant liars, manipulators and adulterers.
There are consequences to our behavior.
What is amazing is how common this situation with cheaters actually is. In fact, I would go as far as to say it is more a rule than the exception. True repentance is rare. Not non-existent BUT rare.