See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we would be called children of God; and such we are.
-I John 3:1a, NASB
With pastors and other Christian leaders, it can sometimes feel like the faithful spouse is on trial regarding the infidelity or divorce.
Behind the questions regarding how my marriage ended, I felt the unstated question over whether or not I “deserved” to be divorced by my cheating ex-wife. It wasn’t a big leap from there to also ascribe that unstated question by the Christian leader(s) to questioning whether or not I “deserved” to be cheated upon by my (now) ex-wife.
One sin never justifies another.
It is completely unacceptable to ask whether or not a faithful spouse “deserved” the divorce or violation via infidelity. That is to ascribe sin against the faithful spouse to the faithful spouse. It is a form of victim blaming.
A faithful spouse never deserves to be cheated upon regardless to how pathetic a partner he or she is. The injunction against adultery in the Ten Commandments (see Exodus 20) does not come with an exception clause for poorly performing spouses. It simply states “Thou shalt not….”
It really is a very, very basic level of respect to insist upon this point: Cheating is never acceptable or justifiable. To probe around it asking the faithful spouse over his or her “contributions” is to suggest a faithful spouse could act in some way as to forfeit this basic level of respect. I simply do not buy that line of reasoning based upon what I see in the Bible.
Faithful spouses, you are worthy of basic respect and love simply by being a child of God!
That does not change simply because your spouse decided to give into the wickedness in his or her heart in cheating upon you and possibly abandoning your marriage as well.