“You are saying bad things about me!”
My cheater was very upset when she discovered this blog.
She was so upset that she hired a lawyer and attempted to shut it down (or at least, she attempted to shut down any conversation about her infidelity). Her claims via her lawyer were that it was libel to publish things–even without her name–that stated she committed adultery. Her problem was that such accounts were true, and she had admitted to the sexual infidelity to me in writing.
That threat eventually went away as the truth was highlighted. However, it illustrates a common phenomenon faithful spouses experience:
Cheaters get angry with faithful spouses whenever they dare share even the basic facts of what the cheaters did.
This anger coming from a cheater is a sure sign of a heart far from repentance. The cheater is still trying to avoid the natural consequences of his/her choices and behavior. A repentant cheater accepts the consequences–or at least, does not angrily object to them–and places his/her focus on changing and rebuilding what he/she destroyed.
A cheater has a bad reputation because a cheater behaved badly. In other words, a cheater earned it.
A good reputation for such an individual is a lie. So, supporting such a narrative is a request for the faithful spouse to lie.* Cheaters are not deserving of a good reputation. Committing adultery means such partners destroyed sacred trust via lying and soul raping their respective faithful spouse.
This status of having a bad reputation might change in the future; however, that only comes by rebuilding and repenting.
Now, I do not encourage in purchasing billboards or taking out full page ads in the newspaper exposing cheater names and their dirty deeds to the world. What I advocate here is simple factual recounting of what happened as appropriate.
“My first marriage ended with my first wife leaving and cheating on me. I am much happier now.”
“My first husband had a Craigslist hooker problem. That’s why I am no longer married.”
“Divorce was a mercy for me. I no longer have to deal with my now ex-wife’s affair partners.”
These things sound bad because what happened to the faithful spouse was bad! The conversation on such matters will never change unless we are willing to speak the facts and refuse to be shamed into silence.
A cheater worried about you saying bad things ought to have thought about that prior to doing those bad things. A bad reputation is what they earned all on their own!