Keep to a path far from her [adulteress], do not go near the door of her house, lest you lose your honor to others and your dignity to one who is cruel, lest strangers feast on your wealth and your toil enrich the house of another.
-Proverbs 8-10, NIV
How do I feel about the affair partner(s)?
Obviously, an affair partner is party to sin. They are responsible for willfully violating God’s law. These individuals are in sin like the adulterous partner.
That said, I still lay greater responsibility at the feet of the adulterous spouse.
They are the one who specifically failed to keep their vows to the faithful spouse. Yes, the affair partner played a role. However, that role would never have been played if the cheater had kept their marriage vows of fidelity.
I remember having great anger towards my (now) ex-wife’s adultery partner initially.
Then I came to realize that the problem wasn’t really him. Like any cheater, in my opinion, the problem resides in the wicked heart of the cheater.
He was just the body that led to the external manifestation of the evil in the cheater’s heart.
Sure, the adultery partner is guilty of sin.
But I think focusing anger on this party is simply another smokescreen for a cheater who is adept at dodging their fuller responsibility in the matter. That is how I see it.
I see your point, many people share it
(often, adultery apologists – which I know you’re not). The affair partner’s sin is not just sexual, they also steal from the faithful spouse and the children, family and friends of the marriage they take part in destroying. Because of this I respectfully, disagree this time DM. If someone stole your car, you wouldn’t say – I shouldn’t be upset with them because they never promised they wouldn’t, right?! It’s a whole separate sin that the affair partner inflicts on the faithful spouse and family. In a way, the faithful spouse is actually being abused in two different ways by two different people (or how ever many affair partners there may be).
I don’t say the affair partner is blameless. They are very much in the wrong. My point is the Cheater bears a greater burden of responsibility in these situations as they allowed the affair partner into the marriage. If it wasn’t this particular OM/OW, then it would be another. Both the Cheater and the affair partner are committing adultery along with other sins, of course. They are far from innocent, I agree.