The only “communication” issue needing addressing stat is the absolute, verified ending of the affair. A cheater can keep a pastor and faithful spouse chasing random rabbit trails for a very long time if they are convinced the marriage issues are anything other than ending the affair. Lot of energy can be lost focusing on … Continue reading “Communication issue? Hmmm.”
Category: Trauma of adultery
Wrong focus
8 Meanwhile, Zacchaeus stood before the Lord and said, “I will give half my wealth to the poor, Lord, and if I have cheated people on their taxes, I will give them back four times as much!” -Luke 19:8, NLT A cheater who is truly repentant is focused on “making it right.” They are engaged in … Continue reading “Wrong focus”
God and Revenge
Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, “Vengeance is mine; I will repay,” saith the Lord. -Romans 12:19, KJV I find this verse instructive as it comes to forgiving cheaters. First, it tells us to release to God our fantasies of taking revenge on our abusers. Many … Continue reading “God and Revenge”
Pressuring Your Silence
As for you, you smear me with lies. As physicians, you are worthless quacks. -Job 13:4, NLT The “friend” who tells you to ignore the cheating is not giving good advice. They also fail to understand how traumatic the experience is. I wonder if such people are embarrassed by being duped by the cheater. That … Continue reading “Pressuring Your Silence”
My take on Other Man
Keep to a path far from her [adulteress], do not go near the door of her house, lest you lose your honor to others and your dignity to one who is cruel, lest strangers feast on your wealth and your toil enrich the house of another. -Proverbs 8-10, NIV How do I feel about the affair … Continue reading “My take on Other Man”
Cheaters denigrate
“She was being unfair. Jane knew just what a good soldier her husband was, but a woman who has deserted her man and stolen his fortune soon learns to denigrate his memory as a justification for her actions.” -Bernarnd Cornwell, Waterloo (#11) (Sharpe Book 20), New York, New York: Penguin Books, 1987, pp65. The above … Continue reading “Cheaters denigrate”
Rebuilding Self
How could I have missed that?! I do not know if you can relate to asking this question of yourself. However, I think the fractured relationship with oneself is a relationship almost always needing attention. Part of the devastation of discovering a cheating spouse is discovering the deception was ongoing for a long period of time, … Continue reading “Rebuilding Self”
Enough to know it is an iceberg of cheating and lies
When dealing with a cheater who has lived a double life for months (or years), you likely only know a small part of the deception and infidelity. They have been at this deception for a while. What you know now is a fractured partial of the story, and they have demonstrated an unwillingness to clue … Continue reading “Enough to know it is an iceberg of cheating and lies”
Don’t feed their contempt
Here is the deceptive way of the adulterous woman: she takes what she wants and then says, “I’ve done nothing wrong.” -Proverbs 30:20, TPT While I believe we can all learn from our mistakes and sins in a relationship, I caution against the counsel to own our marriage sins with a cheater in active infidelity. … Continue reading “Don’t feed their contempt”
Wicked Prospering
In this life, good people are often treated as though they were wicked, and wicked people are often treated as though they were good. This is so meaningless! -Ecclesiastes 8:14b, NLT These words seem like they were written today and not as they were–i.e. thousands of years earlier! I bet many here can relate to … Continue reading “Wicked Prospering”