“Yes, I slept with him. But that is not why I am divorcing you,” says remorseless Cheater. A cheater saying such a thing is a cheater who is desperate to control how people see them in the divorce. They understand that Christians may look upon them poorly once their adultery is known. So, they want … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: Not Why I’m Divorcing You!”
Category: Trauma of adultery
Not upset enough!
“Rebuke your mother, rebuke her… Let her remove the adulterous look from her face and the unfaithfulness from between her breasts.” Hosea 2:2a,c, NIV I lacked the proper anger towards my (now) ex-wife when she admitted to cheating emotionally. Honestly, I did not care at the time. From my perspective, it came across as another way … Continue reading “Not upset enough!”
Flip the competition
And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce; yet her treacherous sister Judah feared not, but went and played the harlot also. -Jeremiah 3:8, KJV Oddly, pastors and Christian counselors have been known to make the faithful spouse … Continue reading “Flip the competition”
Mismatching
Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? -2 Corinthians 6:14, KJV Whether one is abandoned or cheated on or both, the reality for faithful spouses is as stark as this verse from 2 Corinthians paints it. Light cannot fellowship with … Continue reading “Mismatching”
Professionals Minimizing Cheating
Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye. -Matthew 7:5, KJV When pastors and counselors focus on the faithful spouse’s “faults,” they are minimizing the cheating and the seriousness of this sin. This is why … Continue reading “Professionals Minimizing Cheating”
Not friends with ex-wife
How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? -2 Corinthians 6:14b, NLT Some Christians expect faithful spouses to remain “friends” with their cheating ex-partner following divorce. This is insane! The expectation is wound up in a twisted and perverted understanding of what forgiveness demands in this situation. Guess what? … Continue reading “Not friends with ex-wife”
Early Awful Discovery Days
When they saw him from a distance, they could hardly recognize him; they began to weep aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads. -Job 2:12, NIV The early days of infidelity discovery are awful! I want to encourage you if you find yourself in this part of the horror show. It does get better! … Continue reading “Early Awful Discovery Days”
Adultery is truly evil
“If a man is discovered committing adultery, both he and the woman must die. In this way, you will purge Israel of such EVIL.” -Deuteronomy 22:22, NLT (emphasis mine) What Christians need to understand is that adultery is truly evil! This is not “second fiddle” to divorce. Adultery is the main event in the evil … Continue reading “Adultery is truly evil”
Dear Younger Self
Dear 30 Year Old Self, It is going to be alright. Really, it is. I know that seems unlikely right now. Your world has been blown apart and the future seems bleak. Trust me: It gets better, much better! The chaplaincy internship that you are doing today will lead to a bright future for you. It … Continue reading “Dear Younger Self”
Obliterating tide
Infidelity is like the incoming tide to your sand castle marriage. It obliterates all the hard work done to create a beautiful relationship. It undermines everything. Then it washes it all away like it was never there. Such is marital infidelity. Whether the sand castle was already falling down or whether it was a “Taj … Continue reading “Obliterating tide”