For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows. -I Timothy 6:10, KJV A popular Christian curriculum for people going through divorce would regularly try to dissuade people from divorcing by pointing out the financial … Continue reading “Scary divorce.”
Category: Trauma of adultery
Hate YOUR narrative
All who do evil hate the light and refuse to go near it for fear their sins will be exposed. -John 3:20, NLT Cheaters hate YOUR narrative–aka reality. The last thing they want is to lose control of the narrative. They do not want to look bad even though they did some very bad things. … Continue reading “Hate YOUR narrative”
“I just need a break from our marriage.”
“I’m tired of pretending. I just need a break from our marriage,” says Cheater. “So, you want to pretend you aren’t married when you are? That’s not how our marriage vows work,” replies faithful spouse. Cheaters might ask for “a break” as if your marriage is just an extended period of dating. Such statements reinforce … Continue reading ““I just need a break from our marriage.””
Do not go on the ride
To heal, we have to acknowledge the truth. The sad thing is our cheater may never actually do this. They might engage you in an endless battle over getting you to take responsibility for their abuse of you. That argument is one crazy ride. Refuse to take the bait. While helpful, you do not have … Continue reading “Do not go on the ride”
Pro-Tip: Not talking positive is a sign of discard in progress
When a cheater is done with you, they might refuse to talk about what they enjoy about being married to you. This makes it easier on them both to cheat on you and to discard you. After all, the positives would remind them of real losses that come with the ending of the marriage. Such … Continue reading “Pro-Tip: Not talking positive is a sign of discard in progress”
Cheater speaking…
“I don’t love you anymore.” “I feel like we are just roommates.” “I need space.” Have you heard any of these “gems” come out of your cheater’s mouth? Maybe they spoke such words before you knew they were cheating on you? That would make sense. As these words are designed to hide their dastardly behavior … Continue reading “Cheater speaking…”
Hurts SOO much!
Day and night I have only tears for food, while my enemies continually taunt me, saying, “Where is this God of yours?” -Psalm 42:3, NLT Hurts SOOO much! It is hard to overstate how awful it feels to discover your spouse has been unfaithful to you. The pain is literally debilitating. Basic life functions like … Continue reading “Hurts SOO much!”
So many decisions even in the act!
Cheating does not “just happen.” So many deliberated choices are made by cheaters that pave the way to violating their marriage vows. Infidelity is NEVER just one “mistake.” They had to make a series of poor choices. -To have sex with someone not their spouse, they had to first find this individual. -They had to … Continue reading “So many decisions even in the act!”
False Hope Enables Cheaters Abuse
Sharing only testimonies of reconciled and restored marriages following adultery… …feeds false hope in “reconciliation” for faithful spouses dealing with unrepentant cheaters. Show of hands. How many here thought their marriage was going to “make it” and then you would have a testimony about marriage reconciliation to share with others? I know I did. The … Continue reading “False Hope Enables Cheaters Abuse”
Two Big Pastoral Errors
After the Lord had said these things to Job, he said to Eliphaz the Temanite, “I am angry with you and your two friends, because you have not spoken the truth about me, as my servant Job has….” -Job 42:7, NIV Over and over, I see two common pastoral errors in “helping” faithful spouses. They … Continue reading “Two Big Pastoral Errors”