For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. -2 Timothy 1:7, KJV I am deeply troubled by how acceptable it is within Christian leadership to use fear about divorce against faithful spouses. If you are like me, you have heard the terrifying … Continue reading “PSA: Your second marriage is not doomed!”
Category: Trauma of adultery
On Forgiveness: The Broken Vase Parable
Another thing you do: You flood the Lord’s altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer looks with favor on your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. You ask, “Why?” It is because the Lord is the witness between you and the wife of your youth. You have been … Continue reading “On Forgiveness: The Broken Vase Parable”
Entitled users
Here is the deceptive way of the adulterous woman: she takes what she wants and then says, “I’ve done nothing wrong.” -Proverbs 30:20, TPT Cheaters are entitled users. They bank on the faithful spouse trusting them to continue their deceptions without consequences (like a divorce and all that comes with that). In other words, they … Continue reading “Entitled users”
“Unmet Needs” Excuse–aka Lie
The “Unmet Needs” Theory Lie: Put succinctly… …teaches faithful spouses that their deficiencies at home is what drove the adulterous spouse to cheat. The faithful spouse was not sexually available enough. The faithful spouse was not emotionally adept and engaged enough. You know the drill. I have heard in horror how even pastors operate under … Continue reading ““Unmet Needs” Excuse–aka Lie”
Cheater Apologist: Well, are you without sin?!
“She has been cheating on me these last few months. I can’t stay married to her considering all of that,” says the faithful spouse. “Don’t be so hasty. After all, are you without sin?” says the cheater apologist. Such a response from a “Christian” cheater apologist is far from helpful. Not all sins have the … Continue reading “Cheater Apologist: Well, are you without sin?!”
Unhelpful price for Christian “support”
Hate evil and love what is good; turn your courts into true halls of justice. Perhaps even yet the Lord God of Heaven’s Armies will have mercy on the remnant of his people. -Amos 5:15, NLT Divorce Minister: Taking Adultery Seriously is an online community where I do not blame the victims of adultery. Too often, I … Continue reading “Unhelpful price for Christian “support””
No seductive lamb in that story!
4 “Now a traveler came to the rich man, but the rich man refrained from taking one of his own sheep or cattle to prepare a meal for the traveler who had come to him. Instead, he took the ewe lamb that belonged to the poor man and prepared it for the one who had come … Continue reading “No seductive lamb in that story!”
Affairs are like chocolate chip cookies
A few months back, I watched a video where the commentator talked about cheating and likened it to cake. I am riffing off that commentary today. Affairs are like walking into the kitchen to find your Cheater holding two chocolate chip cookies…. You say, “You know that you aren’t supposed to be eating chocolate chip … Continue reading “Affairs are like chocolate chip cookies”
Contrast to the usual “Christian” resources
While I am thankful for the help of some Christian resources in my dark season, I discovered most had an agenda apart from freely presenting the options. Most Christian resources–in my experience–are focused upon “saving the marriage.” This goal is pursued at the unacknowledged cost of the faithful spouse’s well-being. For these authors and pastors, … Continue reading “Contrast to the usual “Christian” resources”
Marital Infidelity Abuse Survivors
4 Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery. -Hebrews 13:4, NLT “Marital Infidelity Abuse Survivors” This is the phrase I find myself using to describe my ministry here and in person to others in the Church. I might … Continue reading “Marital Infidelity Abuse Survivors”