You would think a cheater would be the happy one as they are selfishly indulging in illicit sex.
Yet they seem to be the most onerous person in the world in interactions with their faithful partner. It is like the faithful partner offended them profoundly as opposed to the opposite as is true.
I am sure cheaters behave this way because conscience–or what is left of it–is screaming at them over their wicked ways.
So, the faithful spouse becomes the target of their spiteful, cruel rage. They are the ones that remind them of what they should be doing but are not. That is the offense, in my opinion.
That does not change how painful the experience is for the faithful spouse.
Just remember that someone’s behavior may have absolutely NOTHING to do with you even when they say otherwise. It is about the war in their souls. Sadly, most cheaters lose that battle and give into the life of the lie.
Fortunately, God provides a way out for faithful spouses. We are permitted to amputate that spiritual rot by divorce (see Mt 19:9). Sometimes, sadly, that “surgery” is absolutely necessary.
The utter contempt and disgust caught me by surprise. At first I believed I was guilty of all manner of marital sins. I needed to make major changes. I just didn’t know what they were, nor did my adulterous wife. It took decades for me to realize I had accepted guilt for her sin, and our marriage never really was.
“They are the ones that remind them of what they should be doing but are not. ”
Yep, my cheater would come in the house his eyes darting around trying to find something he could lash out about. One time he walked in the door and I asked him a question about an upcoming Christmas party (at his work) and he screamed at me, “EVERY TIME I WALK IN THIS HOUSE YOU MAKE ME FEEL GUILTY” He turned around and walked out, I didn’t seem him for several hours.
I already pretty much knew by then he was involved with another woman, there had been a series of scream fests where I just stood there and stared in disbelief. I think I was just hunkered down in the fetal position trying to survive the pain and confusion. Dday was Christmas Day, and he walked out the day after new years day; after a week of terrorizing me emotionally.