Your Cheater does not need to be a total monster in order to be bad for you. I suspect most Cheaters (if not all) have some “redeeming” qualities about themselves. If they didn’t, we probably never would have married them in the first place. They are mix–like all of us–of good and bad traits. But … Continue reading “Bad Enough FOR YOU!”
Category: Trauma of adultery
Cheater Tantrum Over Wearing Wedding Ring
“How dare you insist I wear my wedding ring!” -Petulant Cheater A cheater may take off her ring in order to avoid the constant reminder of her marriage vows. This symbolic act speaks volumes. There is a reason we exchange rings in marriage ceremonies. The symbol is indicative of the vows exchanged between the couple … Continue reading “Cheater Tantrum Over Wearing Wedding Ring”
Reject Divorce Shame!
Then Joseph her husband, being a just man, and not willing to make her a public example, was minded to put her away [i.e. divorce her] privily. -Matthew 1:19, KJV If you grew up in a church where divorce was taught as always wrong, you may find it hard to NOT internalize divorce shame and stigma. … Continue reading “Reject Divorce Shame!”
Forgiveness as act of trust
Trusting God with our hurts is hard. Forgiveness is about doing just that, though. It is allowing God be God in our situation. But forgiving our cheater is nearly impossible if we believe we care more about justice than God. Justice matters to God. He did not just give sin a pass. It isn’t cheap … Continue reading “Forgiveness as act of trust”
The Deceptions!!!
Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful. -Proverbs 27:6, KJV Cheaters deceive. That is what they do. Lies are their language. And that is what makes unwinding what happened so hard for their lies’ target, the faithful spouse. What was once thought real is revealed to have … Continue reading “The Deceptions!!!”
Not a legitimate way to bring up issues!
“I only cheated to get your attention,” says Cheater. Cheaters who say this are shifting blame onto their victims for their abusive sins. It is wicked. I could get your attention by shooting you in the foot. Saying I did this to get your attention does not excuse this behavior or make it acceptable in … Continue reading “Not a legitimate way to bring up issues!”
Church-y Analysis Sharing the Blame
Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes, And prudent in their own sight! -Isaiah 5:21, NKJV The practice of some pastors is to treat adultery on the same level as failure to do one’s share of the household chores. They are not the same! This leveling of offenses is called “sin-leveling” where someone treats … Continue reading “Church-y Analysis Sharing the Blame”
Called to ministry of reconciliation. To Cheaters, too?
All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation…. – 2 Corinthians 5:18, NIV Do we not all have the ministry of reconciliation as followers of Christ? Does that include reconciling with Cheaters? The obvious answer to the first question is “Yes, we are called … Continue reading “Called to ministry of reconciliation. To Cheaters, too?”
Going to spiritual war with prayers
The fear of man bringeth a snare: but whoso putteth his trust in the LORD shall be safe. -Proverbs 29:25, KJV Evicting the voices and judgments of others in our heads is a hard thing to do. This is doubly so when the person who spoke destructive things about us was someone whom we … Continue reading “Going to spiritual war with prayers”
Important to have validation
Reality validation. This is gift others can give to a faithful spouse. Sometimes we need someone to tell us the simple but hard truth. The adultery happened. And–no–we are in no way responsible for the infidelity. It was wrong. No justification for the cheater cheating exists. I think these messages are especially important for the … Continue reading “Important to have validation”