I work in hospice and have the opportunity to watch the poignant beauty of marriages that have lasted well past fifty years. I say, “poignant” because I feel both awed by the sheer beauty of a couple still caring for each other after many decades together as well as sad by my own loss. Recently, … Continue reading “On Being Dismembered”
Category: Trauma of adultery
What if pastors had skin in the “game,” too?
What if pastors had to pay a faithful spouse $10,000 or more if they were wrong about the cheating being over?! In my opinion, faithful spouses who stay in marriages for subsequent infidelity discoveries are loosing more than just $10,000. They are loosing precious time, emotional well-being, and physical well-being (e.g. risk of contracting life-altering … Continue reading “What if pastors had skin in the “game,” too?”
Who is doing the leading astray?
For lack of discipline they will die, led astray by their own great folly. -Proverbs 5:23, NIV …but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. -James 1:14, NIV The proverb quoted above comes at the end of a chapter where the wise teacher is giving instruction … Continue reading “Who is doing the leading astray?”
Don’t be their “play thing!”
So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. -Matthew 7:12, NIV One of the aspects of working with faithful spouses that disturbs me greatly is how their cheaters use them and essentially make them their “play things.” The cheater goes … Continue reading “Don’t be their “play thing!””
Faithful spouses, please do NOT “fight for your marriage.”
“‘If a man commits adultery with another man’s wife—with the wife of his neighbor—both the adulterer and the adulteress are to be put to death.” -Leviticus 20:10, NIV Please do NOT fight for your marriage, faithful spouses! Doing that simply perpetuates the wrong idea that a cheater is entitled to a marriage they have discarded … Continue reading “Faithful spouses, please do NOT “fight for your marriage.””
Cheater-Speak: “Well, I never said anything bad about you to our friends.”
“Well, I never said anything bad about you to our friends.” -Cheater Show of virtual “hands:” Who has heard a version of this from his or her cheater? I “see” those “hands.” Permit me to share a couple observations of what is happening when a cheater speaks like this: 1. This is a damage control … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “Well, I never said anything bad about you to our friends.””
Cheaters are not “winners.”
So he swore an oath to him, selling his birthright to Jacob. Then Jacob gave Esau some bread and some lentil stew. He ate and drank, and then got up and left. So Esau despised his birthright. -Genesis 25:33-34, NIV My integrity is not for sale. It is very precious to me. If I break my promise, this valuing … Continue reading “Cheaters are not “winners.””
On Hearing God Amidst Infidelity Madness
For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God’s children. -Romans 8:16, NLT So, you have discovered that your spouse has been unfaithful. He (or she) cheated on you and hid the double life with copious lies for months and possibly years. Now, you must decide what you do with new information. What does … Continue reading “On Hearing God Amidst Infidelity Madness”
When the cheater doesn’t see the problem…
Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.* -Matthew 7:5, NIV If your cheater does not understand and affirm that the presence of the Other Man/Other Woman is a problem, then your marriage is doomed without any … Continue reading “When the cheater doesn’t see the problem…”
Christians, you don’t have to be friends with your cheating ex! Really.
“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You travel over land and sea to win a single convert, and when you have succeeded, you make them twice as much a child of hell as you are.” -Matthew 23:15, NIV Public Service Announcement: Faithful spouses, you don’t have to become BFFs with … Continue reading “Christians, you don’t have to be friends with your cheating ex! Really.”