“And the second [greatest commandment] is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” -Jesus in Matthew 22:39, NIV Even with the betrayal being fresh, religious people are apt to tell a faithful spouse of their obligation to forgive their adulterous spouse. The charge of “unforgiving” or “bitter” are always close at hand for religious people … Continue reading “A Metaphor Regarding Forgiveness”
Category: Trauma of adultery
No Honor Among Thieves
To the faithful you show yourself faithful, to the blameless you show yourself blameless, to the pure you show yourself pure, but to the devious you show yourself shrewd. -Psalm 18:25-26, NIV During the last ditch effort to save my first marriage, my (now ex) wife was constantly talking about how I needed to rebuild her trust and … Continue reading “No Honor Among Thieves”
Dealing With Self-Righteous Religious Pricks
“And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? … Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye… – Matthew 7:3, 5a, NLT When I was going through my trials, I had no shortage of religious people willing to “help” me see my “sin” or … Continue reading “Dealing With Self-Righteous Religious Pricks”
Loves At All Times
A friend loves at all times… -Proverbs 17:17a, ESV The question of reconciliation is not limited to the relationship between the husband and wife when adultery has taken place. If you are at all like me, you opened you life to others who played instrumental roles either for the good or ill of the marriage. … Continue reading “Loves At All Times”
Dismembered
I work in hospice and have the opportunity to watch the poignant beauty of marriages that have lasted well past fifty years. I say, “poignant” because I feel both awed by the sheer beauty of a couple still caring for each other after many decades together as well as sad by my own loss. Recently, … Continue reading “Dismembered”
Top Three Texts Used To Abuse Faithful Spouses
Having started Divorce Minister: Taking Adultery Seriously just last summer, I have had the opportunity to read and hear a variety of faithful spouses’ horror stories with the church. Literally thousands of individuals visit this website monthly from over 110 unique countries around the globe. Themes are starting to emerge. The following are the top 3 most … Continue reading “Top Three Texts Used To Abuse Faithful Spouses”
What if the church treated widows like faithful divorced spouses?
Can you imagine church leaders (or simply other Christians) treating a widow/widower in the same way they treat a faithful spouse who is now divorced from the adulterous one? And before anyone cries “Foul!” on this analogy suggesting that its too strained, I will point out this is the state Old Testament spouses would find … Continue reading “What if the church treated widows like faithful divorced spouses?”
God Wants Passionate Pastors
Then the Lord said to Moses, “Phinehas (son of Eleazar and grandson of Aaron the priest) has turned away my anger for he was angry with my anger, and would not tolerate the worship of any God but me. So I have stopped destroying all Israel as I had intended.” -Numbers 25:10-11, TLB Anger is … Continue reading “God Wants Passionate Pastors”
Evangelical Divorce Blame-Game
Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord… Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…. -Ephesians 5:22,25, NIV I’m going to be transparent here: This passage from Ephesians 5 bothers me. It does not bother me that it is in the Bible. I thank God … Continue reading “Evangelical Divorce Blame-Game”
Helping A Shattered Spouse
A Christian brother comes over one night. He crumples onto your couch tears overflowing. Through his heaving sobs, you learn his wife has left him and is having sex with another man. The hollow and desperate look in his eyes tears at your heart. What can you do? I will start with the negative first. These dangerous responses … Continue reading “Helping A Shattered Spouse”