Category: Trauma of adultery

Look for guilty, NOT shameful cheaters for promising change!

Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. -2 Corinthians 7:10, NIV When trying to determine real repentance, I recommend watching for a guilt-response as opposed to a shame-response from the cheater. What do I mean by a “guilt response” versus a “shame response?” A “guilt … Continue reading “Look for guilty, NOT shameful cheaters for promising change!”

Choose not to enter their warped reality!

There is more hope for fools     than for people who think they are wise.  –Proverbs 26:12, NLT They traded the truth about God for a lie….   –Romans 1:25a, NLT Cheaters can come across as so confident in their lies. This confidence has the power to make even the most stalwart faithful spouse second-guess their instincts, hard evidence, … Continue reading “Choose not to enter their warped reality!”

Sometimes the season dictates divorce.

For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. -Ecclesiastes 3:1, NLT Sometimes choosing divorce is the best of bad options left for a faithful spouse. This is why I cite this wisdom verse. It is allegedly written by the wisest of all humans–bar Jesus–King Solomon. Everything means everything. That includes … Continue reading “Sometimes the season dictates divorce.”

PSA: It is not abuse to insist the cheater end the affair.

Public Service Announcement (PSA): It is not abuse to insist the cheater end the affair! Someone needs to see this. Cheaters will pull out all stops to make the faithful spouse look like the bad person. Insisting the affair end is a healthy boundary. It is respectful. You are simply refusing to accept ongoing abuse … Continue reading “PSA: It is not abuse to insist the cheater end the affair.”

What excuse gives a spouse a pass to abuse? None.

I am convinced adultery is always abusive. Always. You cannot cheat on a spouse without abusing their trust minimally. Plus, I have yet to discover a story involving adultery where a period of deception did not take place–however, brief. In addition to that, I believe based on my reading of Scripture that adultery is soul … Continue reading “What excuse gives a spouse a pass to abuse? None.”

Lost respect for Dave Ramsey over his despicable treatment of a faithful spouse!

It isn’t my responsibility to judge outsiders, but it certainly is your responsibility to judge those inside the church who are sinning. -I Corinthians 5:12, NLT In an article posted yesterday (1-18-22), Julie Roys exposes a situation that is truly disgusting regarding Dave Ramsey and his organization. Her article is entitled: “Exclusive: Audio Shows Dave … Continue reading “Lost respect for Dave Ramsey over his despicable treatment of a faithful spouse!”

Pro-Tip: Stop engaging in arguments about you “deserving it!”

A sage trying to work things out with a fool     gets only scorn and sarcasm for his trouble. -Proverbs 29:9, THE MESSAGE Arguing Over Why You “Deserved It” This is a wasted argument. It is like talking with someone with your face still bleeding and him/her asking you what you did to deserve having your … Continue reading “Pro-Tip: Stop engaging in arguments about you “deserving it!””

The counsel of the wicked

Blessed is the man Who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, Nor stands in the path of sinners, Nor sits in the seat of the scornful…. -Psalm 1:1, NKJV I dubbed them “The Unholy Trinity.” They were a group of people that my (now ex) wife had tapped to decide the fate of our marriage, … Continue reading “The counsel of the wicked”

Choose truthful, supportive beliefs

All sort of lies are spoken about faithful spouses. Cheaters are especially “good” at the discard. They speak distorted things about who we are in order to feel better as if they are discarding us like trash. It helps them to think of us that way. You do not have to believe their lies about … Continue reading “Choose truthful, supportive beliefs”