Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned? -Proverbs 6:27, NIV Pure Escapism I think it is important for faithful spouses to remember that their Cheater is indulging in fantasy. Their illicit relationship is not based in substance and therefore is doomed from the start. It is escapism. Instead of … Continue reading “Pure Escapism!”
Category: Cheating
Best revenge… Thrive!!!
So the Lord blessed Job in the second half of his life even more than in the beginning. -Job 42:12a, NLT As the saying goes, the best revenge is a life well lived. In other words, stop fixating on revenge and start thriving! When my first marriage was coming unraveled, I had several of my ex’s flying … Continue reading “Best revenge… Thrive!!!”
Letting go of trying to limit their destructive path
One of my most important and hardest lessons that I teach is… You only control you. I think it is a common impulse to seek to warn others about your ex. This is especially true–I think–if they are in the helping professions where people are vulnerable to them. The impulse to do this–at least for … Continue reading “Letting go of trying to limit their destructive path”
Cheaters are NOT the victims.
Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! -I Corinthians 6:15, NIV Cheater, you are the aggressor, not the victim, here! For whatever reasons, people are often taken in by the pity story a caught cheater spins … Continue reading “Cheaters are NOT the victims.”
Sinful Choices
“Today I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. Now I call on heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose life, so that you and your descendants might live!” -Deuteronomy 30:19, NLT Choices, choices, and cheater choices! The thing with cheaters is … Continue reading “Sinful Choices”
It’s ok to miss them.
It’s okay to miss them. I think of all the losses that come with dealing with infidelity. You lose more relationships than just your relationship with the Cheater. The family and friends loss are big losses as well. Now, I understand that many of these people reveal themselves to not be true friends. Yet, many … Continue reading “It’s ok to miss them.”
Cheater-Speak: “What happened?”
“What happened to us?” asks Cheater. “You cheated, and so, we divorced. It’s pretty simple,” says Faithful Spouse. Cheaters asking this question are not asking for information. They are attempting to shift blame onto you, faithful spouse. Your current marriage ending narrative makes them look bad; so, they are attempting to manipulate you into accepting … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “What happened?””
Yes, emotional affairs are FULLY the Cheater’s fault!
For we must all stand before Christ to be judged. We will each receive whatever we deserve for the good or evil we have done in this earthly body. -2 Corinthians 5:10, NLT Yes, Cheaters are fully responsible for an emotional affair. It is not the result of a wily affair partner. It is not … Continue reading “Yes, emotional affairs are FULLY the Cheater’s fault!”
The Problem is not a problem to them.
When Cheaters go to pastoral counseling with their victims, they may have no interest in actually dealing with The Problem. They have successfully convinced themselves that the cheating was caused by circumstances outside of themselves. Cheaters might even blame their spouse for the cheating (see “The Shared Responsibility Lie“). These sessions are doomed. The cheating … Continue reading “The Problem is not a problem to them.”
Reminder: Cheated On Support Group starts TOMORROW (Monday)!
This is just a reminder that the “Cheated On – Infidelity Abuse Support Group” starts tomorrow, Monday, September 9th. Details below. Who: Cheated On individuals–i.e. faithful spouses–seeking support from people with similar experiences. What: I will be providing teachings at these group from my perspective both as a survivor of marital infidelity and as a … Continue reading “Reminder: Cheated On Support Group starts TOMORROW (Monday)!”